Where Your Eyes Don't Go

Yesterday, while placing the finishing touches on our latest installment of the legendary Monster of the Month series, the chefs of the Hyper Kitchen were interrupted by a legion of corrupt attorneys and law-enforcement officers (possibly sent by the Bilderberg Group). They not only shut down our internet access but proceeded to interrogate us about the whereabouts of one Ned Swanberg, well-known author and ne'er-do-well. No strangers to grilling, the chefs kept mum throughout the ordeal and their captors had no choice but to leave in anger. We have since changed the locks on the door.

While the status quo has been resumed, we were critically delayed in posting of our Monster of the Month post. It looks like we'll wind up doing two monster-related posts in July. So, in a way, everyone wins.


For this belated entry, we delve into the colorful realm of lumberjack folklore. The lumberjacks were known for their tall-tales and claimed to have encountered a plethora of strange beasts while working in the remote forests. Most of these creatures were described in lavish detail except for one, as no one had witnessed the thing and lived to talk about it. This is, of course, the dreaded Hidebehind.

pictured: one Hidebehind.

Like all the great monsters, the Hidebehind lurks deep in the archetypal forest. Nothing is known about the Hidebehind save for its great height and slender body. As its name implies, the Hidebehind would stalk the unwary lumberjack by silently creeping from tree-to-tree and concealing itself. If the lumberjack happened to look over his shoulder as the monster was approaching, it would hurl itself behind the nearest tree at lightning speed. Consequently, it was impossible to determine if one was being followed by a Hidebehind or whether one was safe and alone. This probably lead to numerous lumberjacks becoming hopelessly paranoid, perhaps carrying their axes with them at all times.



Would you like to know more?
-Read this online edition of Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods