Thursday, March 31, 2011

I'm Not Afraid of Flying Saucers

According to the most recent radio reports, it appears that Vermont is in for the final snowstorm of the season and it's going to be a big one. The chefs of the Hyper Kitchen are understandably concerned that they will be snowed-in, and that uncontrollable madness and potential axe-murders will be the result of this isolation from civilized society. As such, we thought it prudent to get the Monster of the Month segment done as quickly as possible before the inevitable slide into barbarism occurs.

If asked to draw an alien, it's a safe bet that you would produce an illustration of some macrocephalic, bug-eyed dwarf with gray-green skin and a smug expression. This image has become the archetype of extraterrestrials after being popularized by the X-Files, the Weekly World News, and various sci-fi flicks. These so-called "Grays" were based on descriptions of the otherworldly entities supposedly witnessed in actual alien abduction cases. In fact, the majority of these accounts include variations on the Little Gray Man. However, that isn't to say there aren't some exceptions and now and again a spectacular oddball will come along. The Flatwoods Monster springs immediately to mind, as do today's Monster of the Month: the Pascagoula Abductors.

On the night of October 11th, 1973 shipyard workers Calvin Parker and Charlie Hickson were fishing on the Pascagoula River when a UFO descended from the skies and deposited three truly unnatural humanoids. Standing at around five feet tall, they were described as having pale gray skin that was wrinkled like a rhino's hide. Their hands were fleshy "mittens" or "claws," and their stumpy legs remained motionless as they hovered through the air. Their faces consisted of little else than dour, slit-like mouths and several carrot-like shapes erupted from each side of the head. Moving in a clumsy, robotic fashion, these three strangers from beyond proceeded to levitate Parker and Hickson into their spaceship, whereupon the terrified humans were monitored by a baseball-shaped camera.

Do the Pascagoula Abductors represent the genuine face of alien life; having come from some unknowable world to float around and study us with silver spheres? According to those involved, both Parker and Hickson were genuinely hysterical and did not behave like a couple of hoaxers. After world of the abduction spread like wildfire across the Mississippi media, others came forward to saw that they had noticed some unusual activity in the sky around the vicinity of the purported abduction. Despite this, workers at two 24-hour toll-booths that were in the full view of the river never saw any UFO and security cameras at a nearby shipyard showed nothing out of the ordinary. Additionally, twenty years down the road Parker has significantly elaborated upon his original story and also claims to have had subsequent alien encounters with a tiny alien woman who apparently reads the Bible.

But don't take my word for it!

Or, if you don't have fifty bucks to burn,
listen to this interview of Charlie Hickson.

The kids love gorillas.

It's complicated.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

The Nowhere Pit

In 1997, the notoriously reliable Coast-to-Coast AM radio program featured an interview with a man named Mel Waters from Ellensburg, Washington. Mel announced that he had discovered a hole on his property said have been once used by rural townsfolk as a dump for broken appliances and garbage. This was no cellar hole though. No matter how much trash was thrown down into the darkness, the hole was never filled. It appeared to be a genuine abyss. Waters claimed to have lowered reel upon reel of fishing line down into the hole in hopes of measuring its depths, but gave up after exceeding fifteen miles in line length. Apart from its anomalous size, the hole had other mysterious properties. Mel related local stories about dead animals being thrown into the hole, only to return alive and well a few days later. However, these resurrected creatures behaved strangely and avoided humans. Waters always declined to describe the hole's exact location.

Mel Waters' story proved to be a popular one and he was invited back on the show on five subsequent occasions. Word of the hole spread, and Washington-area paranormal enthusiasts became quite excited. UFO followers, New Agers, and bigfoot trackers headed to Ellensburg in hopes of finding Waters' arcane hole. Several old wells were found, many of considerable depth, but nothing arcane was ever discovered.

In his later interviews, Waters mentioned that he had been threatened by soldiers dressed in yellow uniforms and that these men demand that he cease his examinations of the hole or they would frame him for crimes he did not commit. Perhaps these yellow soldiers eventually did away with the troublesome Mr. Waters for good or maybe he tripped and fell into the abyss, as he never again called in to Coast to Coast AM and later investigations revealed that no one by that name owned any land in Ellensburg. Despite this apparent disappearance, the story of the hole is sustained by a small but dedicated group of believers in the supernatural.
Would you like to know more?