The Death of a Spaceman

Neil Armstrong died today from complications resulting from an operation to open up some blocked coronary arteries. He was 82 years old. Armstrong is arguably the best known member of the Apollo 11 team and was the first man to walk on the moon, on a mission that had only a 50% probability of success.

Armstrong was a determinedly private man who disliked the celebrity status that was thrust upon him after returning to Earth. He refused to sign autographs and declined interviews, with one notable exception being an interview he gave in May, 2012, to the chief executive of the Certified Practicing Accountants of Australia. Reportedly he broke his silence due to his fondness for the accountancy profession, as his father had been an auditor.

The full legacy of Armstrong's achievement can never be known, but it stands among the discovery of fire and the invention of the printing press as one of civilization's finest moments. His famous speech (often misinterpreted as "...one small step for man" rather than "for a man" due to a glitch in the original broadcast) has exemplified the potential for a single individual to change the course of history. The bold spirit of optimism and discovery that Armstrong and Apollo 11 came to represent is sorely missed.

One hopes we can bring it back.

Would you like to know more?
-Read his most recent interview
-Read this statement from NASA administrator Charles Bolden

Five Fingers of Fear

While feverishly assembling the shattered pieces of an ancient tablet, I drew ever closer to unlocking the secret of the Haunted Archipelago, but then the kitchen clock chimed and I realized that it was high time that I got to work on the newest entry in our wildly popular Monster of the Month series

They say a picture is worth a thousand worlds...well, this one is worth 1,003.

This 1963 films tells the heartwarming tale of a disembodied appendage of an astronaut; who is ripped to shreds when mission control presses the suicide switch and detonates his capsule after he becomes stricken by an alien force. The mangled hand falls to Earth, where it is discovered by a teenager named Paul (who naturally decides to bring it home). Soon the hand is strangling people right and left, but what makes this mitt particularly malicious is its corrupting influence on the teenage mind. The hand exerts a strange control over the young Paul, causing him to develop dark rings under his eyes and avoid society. Soon Paul has taken up strangling too and the feds are hot on his heels.

It doesn't end well, and thanks to some comic-relief morgue attendants the Crawling Hands escapes to lure more gullible young Americans to their doom. So, be vigilante. Report suspicious hands.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch this trailer and soak up the hyperbole

How Things Work Part VIII: Exterminator in the year 3000

The stars shine even brighter just before they die

This terrified me as a child.

Come Prepared

The time has come for 2009's curtain call, and with its completion comes an end to a decade that was inordinately full of strife and rank idiocy. We at the Hyper Kitchen look forward to the arrival of 2010 (the year we make contact), and the promise of better times ahead. Still, to mark the passing of this decade that still defies all attempts at naming, we sought a monster that embodies the last ten years. Without further dalliance, we return to the world of dreck cinema to bring to you: the Incredible Melting Man.

The eponymous star of a movie unleashed by American-International Pictures in 1977, the Incredible Melting Man was once handsome mustachioed astronaut Steve West; leader of a NASA mission to the rings of Saturn. After an ill-defined space catastrophe kills the rest of the crew, West returns to Earth in a injured, comatose state. He awakens later and finds that his body is rapidly deteriorating into slime. Crazed by his condition, West escapes from the hospital and goes on a rampage, as he now needs human blood to keep himself from completely decomposing. In a blink of an eye, he transforms into a drippy, skull-faced monster that "gets stronger as he melts." A bunch've cops, along with West's old friend Dr. Ted Nelson, try to thwart the slime-covered fiend. In a climax that somehow blends tragedy, absurdity, and pure unpleasantness, the Incredible Melting Man liquifies into a puddle of red glop that is subsequently mopped-up by a janitor the following morning. In the closing credits, we hear that NASA (aparently unaware of the whole fiasco) plans to send another team of astronauts to the rings of Saturn

Will they never learn?

The flick was essentially a more gruesome (and arguably more inept) version of 1959's First Man Into Space. It did feature special make-up effects by the now world famous Rick Baker, along with a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by Jonathan Demme, but beyond that, the Melting Man is not really incredible at all. Just another guy covered in slime.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch this trailer. It will show you everything you need to know.