The Hyper Kitchen

Look Back in Angkor

2012-02-06T23:23:00.000-08:00

The Ta Prohm temple of Cambodia is a popular destination in the ancient city of Angkor. Originally known as Rajavihara, the temple was constructed by the mighty Khmer empire during the twelfth century. After the empire crumbled, the jungle moved in and tightly embraced the temple. Tree roots and vines coil around the massive stone structure, and the seamless synthesis of architecture and nature is breathtaking.

Once a center of Buddhist meditation and education, the temple has numerous bas-reliefs depicting dancing spirits, monks in prayer, temple guards, and (naturally) Buddha. One distinct carving has a seemingly anomalous subject matter that has garnered great interest in recent years.

Now what would you say that this looks like?

If you said that it resembled a dinosaur (specifically a stegosaurus) then you're not alone. We've all been there; especially the adherents of a movement known as Young Earth Creationism. After cherry-picking ambiguous and esoteric quotes from the Bible, these folks became convinced that man and dinosaurs rubbed elbows only a few thousand years ago. The carving (along with other archaeological oddities) is frequently heralded by the group as a confirmation of their belief. Apparently the stegosaurus, along with the rest of the thunder-lizards, lounged around in Eden before ultimately drowning in the Great Flood.

Another triumph of rational thinking.

Putting aside that theory for obvious reasons, the question remains: what does this carving depict? Some have said that the creature is meant to be a bull or boar wading in front of some large tropical leaves. Others have postulated that it's a bad likeness of a chameleon. A third group believes the carving is modern day vandalism, but it does appear to be neatly integrated into the surrounding tableau. Barring some kind of invasive investigation, no one can know for certain. We actually prefer it that way. Some mysteries are more fun when left unsolved.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Smithsonian Institution
-Read this article from Skeptoid

But Brain Boy had to know why...

2012-01-26T22:55:00.000-08:00

An Arm and a Leg

2012-01-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

These days, everyone's broke. Well...nearly everyone, but for the most part the money's tight and sometimes that means making changes to one's lifestyle. For instance, before the crash, I'd frivolously purchase six dollar shirts. Now I refuse to get anything above two bucks. It's simply not in my budget.

Sometimes, however, people have made drastic modifications. Desperate times call for desperate measures, as the cliché goes, and during the recession of 1953, things were bleak in the small redneck town of Vernon, Florida. With no jobs and no future, several middle-aged men filed claims with their insurance company.

After, of course, removing off their limbs.

Ghoulishly referred to as the "Nub Club," these men had all lost hands and feet in various "accidents" and defrauded thousands of dollars from their insurers. Most of these incidents involved firearms, but some men reported axe injuries. Maybe they were old-fashioned. Regardless, it remains a mystery as to who exactly was the first, but the strategy proved alarmingly popular. More than fifty men took to amputation to make ends meet, and this was especially noticeable in a town with only five hundred people. Eventually, an army of insurance investigators was dispatched to Vernon to examine the improbable quantity of dismemberment and the story reached the papers. The reports referred to Vernon as "Nub City" and the name endured.

In 1981, documentary filmmaker Errol Morris learned about Vernon and decided to make a movie about the town. Not surprisingly, the taciturn members of the Nub Club were not keen on being interviewed, and so Morris was forced to broaden his focus to the other eccentrics that Vernon had offer.

It seems there were plenty to choose from.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Tampa Bay Times
-Read this excerpt from Accidentally, on Purpose: the Making of a Personal Injury Underworld in America
-Buy the Vernon, Florida documentary here for $2.75. Now that's a bargain.

The Plastic Problem of the Pacific

2012-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

The processes of human civilization are changing the planet into something quite inhospitable. Evidence of the transformation can be seen everywhere, but there's one prominent example in the North Pacific Ocean. It stretches across 270,000 square miles (exceeding the size of Texas) and is calculated to weigh in at 100,000,000 tons. If the work of numerous devoted oceanographers and engineers is unsuccessful, then it promises to become of the first continent of a new world we unknowingly built. It's a loosely organized island of garbage, undulating in the waves. They call it the Pacific Trash Vortex.

Like so many environmental problems, the Trash Vortex didn't arrive without warning. In 1988, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration examined the convergence of several ocean currents and predicted that plastic debris from America, Canada, and Japan (along with discarded fishing nets and the nautical liter produced by international shipping) would begin to accumulate in specific areas. Nothing was done and the bigger-than-Texas problem is the result. First observed in 1997, the Trash Vortex is only one of several, with others floating in the North Atlantic and Indian Ocean.

The masses of plastic are weathered by the surf and sun, but do not biograde. Some of the innermost garbage has been there for decades. Marine life and sea-birds become entangled in the Vortex and often die trapped or suffocated. Some are even poisoned after swallowing bottle-caps and bits of ballpoint pens. Still worse, toxins produced by the garbage patch (like those old classic PCBs and DDT) seep down into the ocean to harm those creatures beneath the waves.

Currently a handful of nonprofits groups and research organizations periodically head into the Trash Vortex to perform tests and raise awareness. But its has yet to be contained. As of now, the Vortex grows ever larger.

For god's sake, recycle, okay?

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the New York Times
-Read this article from Greenpeace

We Now Return to the Regularly Scheduled Program

2012-01-19T00:26:00.000-08:00

The Black-Out's over. Time to get back to work.

Cruising Radioactive

2012-01-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

Most experts agree: the future is here, but how do we make it go? The quest for fuel is one of the central problems of our era, and as we scramble for solar cells and try to turn algae into gasoline, we can't help but wonder why people didn't bother to work this out decades ago.

Well, while most of the world was content to drill for oil and forget about tomorrow, there were some rudimentary efforts towards alternative power sources. But sometimes the best of intentions can't make up for dismally bad ideas. Imagine a miniature nuclear reactor colliding with a guard-rail at fifty miles-per-hour. Now you understand the major flaw of the Ford Nucleon.

Resembling a hybrid between a speed-boat and George Jetson's flying saucer, the Nucleon was a design concept unveiled by the Ford Motor Company in 1958. Atomania was huge, and the Nucleon was intended to be the world's fist atomic car. While the specifics of the Nucleon engine had not been finalized, the idea was that the Nucleon would have hot hunk of uranium in the back, boiling water into steam which would then drive the engine. While the water tank would need to be regularly replenished, the radioactive fuel could last up to five thousand miles before being replaced. The Nucleon was also designed to have multiple engine settings (depending on the owner's driving habits) to ensure optimum fuel efficiency. All that and no harmful carbon monoxide fumes. What a deal.

Given the problems that we've had with stationary nuclear reactors (staffed with ostensibly well-trained employees) the notion of clueless drivers speeding around with a engine full of uranium is more than a little horrifying. Engine tune-ups would necessitate hazmat suits and the highway exits would be littered with depressing sales stations dealing in fuel-rods and blue raspberry slushies. Thankfully, the Nucleon never made it out of the design stage. There's one less thing to worry about.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this explanation from Ford's official web site
-Read this article from Hemmings Motor News

Tusks and Trotters

2011-12-31T00:41:00.000-08:00

2011 is over and good riddance. Sure, it was funny in parts and sometimes exciting, but it dragged in the third act and the ending was something of a let down. The low-budget was painfully obvious at times, and the performances were pretty bad. That said, we'll probably stick around for the sequel. It's already looking like a marked improvement.

But! That isn't why you're here. You're here because you're looking for another edition of our internationally famous Monster of the Month series. For the final freak of the 2011, we return to the world of cinema to bring you...the Razorback.

The eponymous beast of a 1984 Australian film directed by Russell Mulcahy, the Razorback owes its name to an old-fashioned term for feral pigs. These wild hogs were known for their sharp bristly fur, although this overgrown specimen sports a particularly shaggy mane. The Razorback is depicted as a nearly unstoppable force of nature, charging through doors like a hurricane and brutally mauling any who are unlucky enough to be in its way. It's a snarling, snaggle-toothed engine of destruction, shrugging off gunshots like mere bee-stings. In the end, it takes the whirling blades of an industrial fan to stop the Razorback; shredding the rampaging beast into hunks of furry flesh. A fitting end for such a mindless monster.

Razorback is one of many unique exploitation films that Australia has produced and is highly recommended. You'll never think of pigs the same way.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch the trailer here

This post uses protected content

2011-12-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

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█████ is now.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit American Censorship.Org

Special Projects for the State of Eternity

2011-12-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

In Washington D.C., December, 1964, Meyer Wertlieb decided that it was finally time to take a look in his garage. For the past fourteen years, Wertlieb had been renting the small garage to a man named James Hampton, who worked as a night janitor for the General Services Administration. It had been a month since Hampton last paid rent and Wertlieb had reached the end of his patience. When he went to investigate, he found that Hampton had died one month earlier at a VA hospital, stricken with stomach cancer. When Wertlieb opened up the garage, this is what he saw:

The massive, glorious sculpture was referred to as The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations' General Assembly on a hand-written title card. It was an intensely personal religious expression. Over the course of fourteen years, Hampton had built it out of cardboard, burnt-out lightbulbs,tin-foil, broken furniture, and miscellaneous junk. He would dutifully work on the throne every midnight after returning from his janitorial job. All in all, the throne was comprised of one hundred eighty different pieces, most of which were labelled with quotes of the book of Revelations.

Accompanying the Throne was a one hundred twelve page journal, along with loose pieces of cardboard, on which Hampton had written St James: The Book of the 7 Dispensation. In the journal, Hampton referred to himself as "St. James" and "Director, Special Projects for the State of Eternity" and recorded various religious visions, along with his anticipation of the return of Christ and a desire to form a church. Some portions of the journal were written in a code of his own design, which has still yet to be deciphered.

The Throne of the Third Heaven was made public a few weeks later in an issue of the Washington Post. Hampton's relatives were especially stunned, never realizing that he was capable of such things. The Throne was donated to the Smithsonian American Art Museum six years later, where is it can still be seen today.

Would you like to know more?
-Check out this picture of the Throne
-Read this biography from the Smithsonian
-Read this article from the Colonial Williamsburg Foundation

"No Real Than You Are"

2011-12-03T23:07:00.000-08:00

It's rare that we do follow-up stories at the Hyper Kitchen. In fact, I don't think it's ever happened before. But, when the ocean waves deposited a giant Lego man onto the Siesta Key Beach in Florida, we knew that we had to act. On October 26th, the Lego man was discovered and promptly "taken into protective custody" by the local police. Perhaps they feared that the Lego man would go on some sort of rampage. Nevertheless, as with the previous giant lego man incidents, this anomalous event appears to be the work of Dutch artist Ego Leonard. Like the others, the words "No Real Than You Are" were emblazoned on its t-shirt. This is the first Lego man to travel beyond Europe, and may hint at a more international Lego presence.

Would you like to know more?

Read this Washington Post Article

See examples of Ego Leonard's artwork

One Foot in the Grave

2011-12-01T00:03:00.000-08:00

Henry Paget, Lord of Uxbridge, 1st Marquess of Anglesey, Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, Lord Lieutenant of Staffordshire, and Knight of the Order of Saint George, the Order of Maria Theresa, the Royal Guelphic Order, and the Order of the Garter (but known to his friends as "Hank") was a commander in the Battle of Waterloo. On June 18th, 1815, Paget was on the battlefield when he had the terrible luck of being hit by a canon blast of grape-shot. Paget wasn't killed, but the attack did severely injure his right leg, which prompted Paget to declare to the nearby Duke of Wellington "By god, sir! I've lost my leg!"

The Duke answered: "By god, sir! So you have!

This exchange was presumably followed by some uncomfortable silence, and then the Duke eventually helped his fallen comrade to a nearby house. Paget's leg could not be salvaged by the medical science of the time, and it was amputated without any anesthetic. During the operation, Paget displayed superhuman stoicism, his moustache scarcely flickering as they sawed through his shin.

The owner of the house, one M. Hyacinthe Joseph-Marie Paris asked if he could keep the leg and bury it in his garden. Paget had no problem with this, and the leg received a "good Christian burial," along with a proper gravestone that bore the following description:

Here lies the Leg of the illustrious and valiant Earl Uxbridge, Lieutenant-General of His Britannic Majesty, Commander in Chief of the English, Belgian and Dutch cavalry, wounded on the 18 June 1815 at the memorable battle of Waterloo, who, by his heroism, assisted in the triumph of the cause of mankind, gloriously decided by the resounding victory of the said day.

Word of the grave-site spread quickly, and soon villagers started showing up to take a look for themselves. Paris was only too happy to allow them in, provided that they pay a modest fee. Soon, countless travelers journeyed to Waterloo to see the grave of the heroic appendage. The leg became so prominent that the King of Prussia even arranged a visit. Paris' descendants continued to profit from the grave and it remained an attraction until the bones were disinterred in 1878. Fifty-six years later in1934, a newly widowed Mrs. Paris discovered the leg bones in her husband's study along with documents linking them to the Henry Paget. Fearing an international incident, she threw the bones into the furnace and burned them to ashes. One hopes that she was then haunted by an angry spectral leg, but sadly those details are lost in history.

But don't take my word for it!
You can read about it in a book

Haystacks Calhoun demands justice!

2011-11-30T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hoo?

2011-11-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

November, we hardly knew ye. It seems like only yesterday that you were brought in to replace October, and now you're on your way out too. Is it too much to ask for a month with some real staying power? Regardless, in keeping with tradition, it has come time to roll out another Monster of the Month. Today's bizarre horror hails from picturesque Cornwall, England and much of what we know comes from the accounts of several children. No doubt the Owlman, as the thing has been referred to, has haunted their nightmares ever since.

Back in April, 1976, two young girls were strolling through the woods in the town of Mawnan, when they caught sight of the fearsome Owlman swooping around a nearby church steeple. Later in July, two more girls saw the Owlman perched in a tall pine tree by the same church. In both instances the parties involved did their best to draw what they had seen. The illustrations varied, but each girl described the beast as having gray feathers and fiery orange-red eyes, clawed feet, and being between five and four feet tall. There were only a handful of further sightings. The Owlman had apparently flown to parts unknown.

So...what the hell did they see? Some paranormal enthusiasts have drawn comparisons between the Cornish Owlman and the famous Mothman of West Virginia. Others speculate that the Owlman was demonic in nature, and perhaps intended to attack the Mawnan church. There are also the obligatory theories involving UFOs. Skeptics insist that the girls were terrified by an ordinary owl, but they just like to rain on the parade. Whatever the explanation, we suspect that the Owlman was ultimately benign. It seems reasonable that it was only hunting for the church-mice.

But don't take my word for it!
You can read about it in a book.

Hate reading?
Here's a ridiculous video

And you call yourself a scientist!

2011-11-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

Jerry Warren was a hack, but that title just grabs you by the neck and says "For god's sake, watch me now!" We have no choice but to obey.

Smile

2011-11-14T11:13:00.000-08:00

In Japan, there are 12 million men and women who are known as the Happies. They are adherents to a growing movement called Happy Science, first conceived by a former finance student named Ryuho Okawa in 1981. As America's airwaves radiated with Journey's Don't Stop Believin', Okawa experienced a cosmic awakening at the City University of New York. Happy Science was the result; a new age organization that preaches the "Fourfold Path" of Love, Wisdom, Self-Reflection, and Progress. Okawa claims to be the Buddha of the 21st century, and (thanks in no small part to a savvy marketing plan provided by the monolithic Japanese advertising corporation Dentsu) his more than 500 holy books have been best sellers.

The principle tenant of Happy Science is that the universe was created by a deity called Lord El Cantare, who dwells in ill-defined realm called the Ninth Dimension. In the past, El Cantare has lent his great wisdom to such luminaries as Jesus, Confucius, Mohamed, and Socrates, but this celestial being isn't afraid to take a hands on approach. Cantare manifests on Earth every so often, having previously hung around in ancient Atlantis, Greece, and India. Okawa, so the Happies believe, is the current incarnation of El Cantare. Under his guidance, the Happies make regular visits to the 300 various temples across Japan to meditate and commune with the greater truth and what-not. They even recently opened a branch in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Happy Science was formally recognized as a religious movement in 1991, along the same time that the notorious terrorist cult Aum Shinrikyo rose to prominence. While that organization later self-destructed after flooding the Tokyo subways with poison gas, Happy Science has gone on to form its own political party. Called the Happiness Realization Party, the political wing of the Happy Science movement focuses on self-actualization and staunch neoliberal capitalism. The Happiness Realization Party also plays the fear card, with warnings of an imminent nuclear attack from China and North Korea. Okawa, who serves as party president, claims to have great insight into the mind of the famously eccentric North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il after telepathically communing with Jong-il's "guardian spirit." While the Happiness Realization Party failed to win any seats in the recent 2009 Japanese elections, they remain confident that they can be a viable alternative to the both conservative Liberal Democratic Party and the left-wing Democratic Party.

Happiness prevails.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Japan Times
-Visit the official Happy Science website

The Bones of the Drowned

2011-11-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

In 1726, Swiss scientist Johann Scheuchzer published the Lithographia Helvetica, in which he analyzed several fossils. Alongside the ancient remains of various primordial shellfish was the vertebrate pictured to the right. Scheuchzer dubbed the thing Homo Diluvii Testis; Latin for Evidence of a Diluvian Human. Scheuchzer believed the fossil to be the crushed and distorted remains of a man, drowned in the biblical flood. Homo Diluvii was scientific evidence of god's wrath, frozen forever in stone.

Eighty-six years later, a French zoologist with a prodigious name (Jean Léopold Nicolas Frédéric Cuvier...known to his friends and academic colleagues as Georges) studied the Homo Diluvii fossil in the Netherlands and concluded that the bones were not those of a human being. It was not long afterwards that the fossil was identified as belonging to a prehistoric species of giant salamander, and Homo Diluvii was renamed Andrias Scheuchzeri. Despite being the one to disprove Scheuchzer's theory, Cuvier himself did not believe in early notions of evolution and contended that extinction was an impossibility. When faced with the remains of animals that clearly no longer existed, Cuvier proposed the existence of multiple previous worlds, each destroyed by cataclysms to make way for our own.

In 1936, Czech satirical author Karel Čapek (the man responsible for coining the term "robot") read about the Andrias Scheuchzeri and it inspired his dystopian novel War with the Newts. The novel was intended to comment upon racism and fascism, depicting the intelligent descendents of the salamanders enslaved by humanity only to revolt and conquer most of civilization.

The Andrias Scheuchzeri fossil is hardly remarkable when compared to the other fossils that scientists have recovered. It stands around three feet high, is far from complete, and the giant salamander lacks the impressive, iconic status of, say, a tyrannosaurus or a mammoth. And yet, the Scheuchzeri is unique among all others. It has been shown to have a certain quality that leads men to consider doomsday.

Perhaps it's in the eyes.

But don't take my word for it!
-You can read about it in a book.
-Or, alternately, you can read about in this book.

Washington Comes Clean About the Little Green Men

2011-11-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

In a recent public relations initiative, the White House made a promise to issue official responses to any formal petition to garner more than five thousands signatures in one month. They were probably not expecting a letter requesting the President to "disclose to the American people the long-withheld knowledge of government interactions with extraterrestrial beings." Who can say whether the signatories of this petition earnestly believed that the U.S. government had secret dealings with creatures from outer space or whether it was only for the lulz* (as the cool kids are wont to say), but the White House kept its part of the bargain and issued a statement saying that there has been no "credible evidence" of alien life visiting Earth or making contact from government representatives. For the majority of Americans, the question of whether or not the government had various Saucer Men secreted away in New Mexico bunkers was probably a non-issue. The tiny portion of the population who were concerned about such matters are doubtlessly skeptical. Conspiracy theorists are notoriously unreasonable.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from The Hill

*This will be the only time that you will see Internet Slang on the Hyper Kitchen

The Hyper Kitchen: Worthless Statistics.

2011-11-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

In the interests of full disclosure between the Kitchen and you readers, here are some important facts:

-We have had 175 visitors from India.
--We procrastinate often.
-7% of all planned Hyper Kitchen articles are never completed due to funding issues.
-Many people arrive at the Hyper Kitchen through this image.
-The current top search keywords that results in a visit to the Kitchen are Vampire Squid, Samurai Crab, and Men in Leopard Print Speedos.
-Vampire Squid vs. Samurai Crab would be a really cool song title.
-The all-time, number one search keyword is "gustave."
-We often misspell the word "ostensibly."
-21 people visited the Hyper Kitchen using their Playstation 3, when they really should been outdoors getting some fresh air and making new friends.
-We refuse to place advertisements on the Hyper Kitchen because we are wonderful people.
-We used to have twenty followers and now we only have 19. That's unacceptable.
-We usually eat sandwiches on Canadian White Bread.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit this site.

How Things Work Part X: Robotic Body Edition

2011-11-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

Hastily constructed from available parts.

Not turtle-proof.

Six Minutes to Midnight at the Greenbriar Hotel

2011-11-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

The Greenbrier Resort of White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia, was built in 1913 and has hosted 26 presidents and countless VIPs from nearby Washington. However, the hotel is available for ordinary citizens as well. For a mere $295.00, you too can relax for two nights in their "standard room." Sadly, this deal does not include access to the casino, golf course, tennis courts, and shooting ranges offered to the more important clients, but perhaps your mere proximity will allow for a luxury contact-high.

Until fairly recently, the Greenbrier had other exclusive amenities to offer its clients. In fact, it had an entire wing on call for the members of congress. Constructed in 1959, this section came with two-foot thick, steel-reinforced doors with three mechanical locks each.

It was also built underground. All the better to avoid the fallout.

Known as "Project Greek Island" or "the Bunker," this section was an enormous bomb-shelter intended to keep congress safe during a nuclear war to ensure "continuity of leadership." As New York and Washington burned with atomic fire, these men would be whisked away to the Greenbrier "relocation center" and there they would stay until the radiation had subsided. The facility was equipped with two distinct chambers for the House and Senate, and a connection to a nearby radio-tower so they could broadcast their legislative progress to whatever remnants of American society remained alive above ground. Thanks to gargantuan stores of food (and the alcoholic beverages so crucial in the political process), congress could stay in Bunker for years. The place even had a "pathological waste incinerator" to dispose of the dead.

While the Bunker is known to have been on high-readiness during the Cuban Missile Crisis (and conceivably on several other occasions during the Cold War), its existence was kept secret until its exposure by the Washington Post in 1992. Throughout its operational life, the Bunker was overseen by a group that operated out of the resort under the cover story that they were contractors belonging to the "Forsythe Associates." Nevertheless, despite this secrecy and the cooperation of the Greenbrier employees, it was impossible to completely conceal the Bunker and its true purpose, and unconfirmed reports of a government base spread through the White Sulphur Springs area like the flu.

When the bombs started to fall, security guards were ordered to refuse admission to anyone but congressional members and the corresponding personnel. If hotel employees or other guests tried to get in, they were to be shot. This may seem severe, but order had to be maintained. Perhaps as a consolation effort, all of the White Sulphur Springs areas was eventually designated to receive some 45,000 nuclear refugees in the event of war. No shelter was provided for them though. They were expected to pack their own camping tents and weather the fallout in the great can-do tradition of patriots everywhere. The Bunker was exclusive until the end.

Would you like to know more?
-Read the Washington Post article that started it all
-Visit the Greenbrier Hotel's official website
-Check out the PBS documentary

Build a Better God

2011-11-04T00:08:00.000-07:00

Universalist minister John Murray Spear was a man of uncommon moral courage. In the 1840's, he organized the first Universalist convention on the abolition of slavery and helped to assemble a portion of the Underground Railroad in Boston. He also championed women's rights, fought for better conditions for workers, and effectively served as America's first parole officer. Still, Spear was also deeply frustrated. He had been with the church for several decades, and it was growing increasingly difficult to reconcile his faith with the often harsh and arbitrary world that he lived in.

Eventually Spear became disillusioned and turned to spiritualism at the behest of his daughter. In the following years he claimed to have contacted ghosts while in a trance state, writing about his experiences in pamphlets. Just as the high-science jargon of quantum mechanics is often appropriated by today's New Age gurus, Spear was fascinated by the then-mysterious world of electromagnetism and sought to harness its power in healing the sick. His unusual activities alienated his friends in the church and many worried that Spear had succumbed to madness. When he announced that he had become the chosen medium of a "Congress of Spirits" whose ranks included Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, their fears seemed to be confirmed. His membership in the church was dissolved, but at this point Spear had little interest and (possibly due to the influence of Benjamin Franklin) had started designing fantastic mechanisms such as an "electric thinking machine" and a device that could facilitate telepathic communication across all of America.

As is typical in these situations, former church members and various spiritualists flocked to hear Spear's trance sermons and he soon had a healthy cult following. His preachings were fairly radical for the time and placed an emphasis on free love and liberation for women. Perhaps emboldened by his new prominence, Spear selected an inner circle of followers and began work on his most audacious plan of all. Christ was taking too long to make his return and usher in paradise, so Spear decided to bring about utopia himself.

He decided to make his own messiah.

With who knows how many spirits guiding his thoughts, Spear designed a machine in Lynn, Massachusetts. Called "New Motive Power," Spear's messiah was a decidedly non-human construct assembled on top of a large dining room table. Comprised of zinc and copper, along with the all-important magnets, New Motive Power was intended to be a sentient conduit of spiritual force. After construction was completed, Spear and his colleagues attempted to bring life into New Motive Power through various rituals. Despite their best efforts, their messiah proved inoperative.

Spear was crushed by his failure and was apparently ordered to retire by his ghostly guides. He continued to support progressive and spiritualist causes until his death 1887. New Motive Power, the stillborn god, was dismantled; its parts sold for scrap.

But don't take my word for it!
-You can read about it in a book.

The Comet Brought it Here to Kill Us All

2011-11-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

It feeds on human flesh and lives for sheer destruction.

These are the Facts

2011-10-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yes. It's all true. I am the Gorilla Man from your dreams.

The Ghost and the Guts

2011-09-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

While struggling with our daily lives in these economically depressed times, we at the Hyper Kitchen barely noticed a September-shaped blur race past us. This can only mean two things:

1). Our rent is due.
2). It is once again time again for another entry in our celebrated Monster of the Month series.

Most of our monsters have been of the male persuasion and we wanted a lady monster for this month. Trouble was, many of them were fairly dull. Fortunately, we stumbled upon the world of Thai folklore and were ensnared in the dangling viscera of the dreaded...Krasue.

The unbelievable Krasue is an evil spirit that takes the form of a beautiful woman. According to legend, the head of the Krasue detaches from of its neck, dragging its internal organs along for the ride. It then flies off into the night in search of an evening meal of flesh and blood. The Krasue is especially fond of messily devouring human fetuses with its prehensile tongue.

Yay!

Perhaps due to its sheer gruesomeness, the legend of the Krasue spread into nearby Cambodia, Laos, and Indonesia, with each culture adding their own unique twist on the ghost. The Krasue may have even influenced the development of a similar Japanese monster, the Nukekubi. This super-star status has made it a prime choice for horror movies, and since the late seventies there has been a smattering of Thai, Indonesian, and Hong Kong fright flicks featuring this flying freak (Stan Lee would be proud). We at the Hyper Kitchen think that it's high time that Hollywood took notice of Krasue. Somebody green-light this blood-sucker! We got a winner on our hands!

Would you like to know more?
-Watch a movie and get educated

Nothing in the Dark

2011-09-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

In 1938, Halifax, England, was in the grip of terror. The frightened townspeople locked themselves in during the night and shops and taverns were closed down. The local police, together with Scotland Yard, prowled the alleyways and streets along with gangs of hard-edged vigilantes.

A maniac was on the loose and no one could rest until he was caught.

In November 16th, two women, Mary Gledhill and Gertrude Watts, went to the police and described a narrow escape from a crazed man wielding a hammer. Their descriptions were vague, save that he wore shiny buckled shoes. News of the attack spread quickly and the town grew anxious. Five days later, police received a visit from one Mary Sutcliffe who tearfully told them that she had been attacked by a man armed with a razor. Other reports came in afterwards and Halifax exploded. The local newspapers shrieked warnings of the "Halifax Slasher" and more witnesses and near-victims came forward every day. Some accounts described a man armed with a hammer and others said he held a knife or straight razor. As their search turned up nothing, police offered a sizable reward for information leading the Slasher. The drunken men of Halifax formed gangs to patrol the streets, and several innocent men were beaten after being mistaken for the elusive boogeyman. News of similar attacks came from nearby Bradford and Manchester. The town was at the boiling point. And then one of the victims came forward with a startling announcement:

His wounds were self-inflicted.

The manhunt had been unsuccessful, not due to some incredible cunning on behalf of the Slasher, but rather because there was never any Slasher in the first place. The whole story was a lie that was embellished upon by each subsequent "victim" until all of Halifax was in a frenzy. The newspapers that had capitalized on the Slasher scare made a quick about-face and happily informed their readers that there was no killer after all. Still, even after police had closed the case, reports of lunatics with razors and hammers were surfacing in towns as far away as London.

Tall-tales die hard, it seems.

But don't take my word for it!

-You can read about it in a book.

Give My Creation Life

2011-09-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

Another Shaggy Saint Story

2011-09-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Alongside the obligatory strongmen, midgets, and limbless wonders, the bearded lady has been a staple of sideshows and carnivals for more than a hundred years; the image of a demure yet hirsute women adorning countless posters. That said, you'd scarcely expect to see one in Westminster Abbey, but in the Henry VII Chapel stands a rather peculiar stone statue.

The statue depicts Wilgefortis, a medieval saint of dubious origins that is said to answer the prayers of women looking to escape abusive relationships. Why the whiskers? The story goes that Wilgefortis was a Portuguese princess who chose to convert to Christianity shortly before her arranged marriage to a Sicilian king. Refusing to compromise her new-found piety, Wilgefortis prayed that god make her ugly so her suitor would lose all interest. Within moments she had sprouted facial hair. The Sicilian king, doubtlessly aghast at the prospect of having a wife with a manlier beard than his own, called off the wedding. Wilgefortis was then put to death by her enraged father, who had her crucified.

Saint Wilgefortis briefly had her own sect of worshipers in Flanders, France, during the 1300's and her image can be seen in many examples of medieval Christian art. However, the Catholic Church is surprisingly skeptical about Wilgefortis and many religious scholars speculate that she's a folklore figure. Images of a robed Christ may have been mistaken by new converts for a bearded woman. Alternately, Wilgefortis may have been a real woman with a hormone imbalance. Regardless, she boasts one of the best beards in all of Saintdom.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this entry from Catholic Online
-Read this excerpt from the Oxford Dictionary of Saints

A Great Price for a Great Product

2011-09-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

The Christ of California

2011-09-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

The army had a profound effect on Francis Pencovic's life. Formerly a petty criminal, Pencovic had joined the service after working on a chain gang and the experience left him a changed man.

In Simi Valley, California, 1946, Pencovic announced that he was actually Jesus and (departing from the conventional Biblical texts) explained the Son of God was a being from the distant planet Neophrates and had journeyed to Earth many thousands of years ago in a spaceship piloted by Adam and Eve. Shortly after this astonishing anouncement, Pencovic changed his name to "Krishna Venta" and adopted a suitably messianic haircut along with some Jedi robes.

It wasn't long before Pencovic had amassed a small but fervent group of (largely female) followers who donated all of their possessions to his new church, referred to as WKFL ( for Wisdom, Knowledge, Faith, and Love) or The Fountain of the World. Pencovic used at least some these donations to make bets on dog races, at which he was apparently quite successful. As his reputation grew, so did the numbers of his cult and eventually they opened up a second branch in Homer, Alaska.

Pencovic's preachings resonated among those who felt fearful in the new Cold War. He told his followers of an imminent doomsday (which would take the form of a Soviet-instigated black vs. white race war) that would claim the lives of all humanity, save for 144,000 "Elect" that would go on to Paradise under his leadership. Until Judgment Day, the parishioners of the Fountain of the World cult were to assist the homeless and spread the world.

After a few run-ins with the police for refusing to pay child support Pencovic was killed in 1958; in a double suicide-bombing carried out by two of his own followers. One man was fiercely jealous of Pencovic's power and influence, and the other believed Pencovic had been sleeping with his wife.

After the death of their prophet, the Fountain of the World limped along for about a decade, teaching Pencovic's apocalyptic visions to all who would listen. Before their ultimate dissolution, the group provided a home for an itinerant would-be musician.

His name was Charlie Manson.

It appears that the cult left quite an impression.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the International Cultic Studies Association
-Watch this newsreel from the British Pathe Film Archive.

Brand X

2011-05-31T16:20:00.000-07:00

Like cans of soda on the grocery shelves, the giant monsters of Japan are colorful, overwhelmingly numerous, and (despite being largely interchangeable) dominated by two forces. On one side stands Godzilla, the Kaiju world's Coca-Cola. Ubiquitous and influential, Godzilla was the one that really got the ball rolling. On the other side stands Gamera, the Pepsi-esqe rival that quickly evolved from mere imitator into an enduring pop-culture presence in its own right. In between the two are scores and scores of lesser known creatures, equally adept at smashing skyscrapers and crunching tanks beneath their giant feet, but unable to reach the fame that the aforementioned reptiles have achieved. These are the Shastas and the RC Colas and the Faygos; basically as fun but often overlooked.

With that said, meet the newest Monster of the Month: Guilala, the X from Outer Space.

First appearing in the 1968 film Uchū Daikaijū Girara (which translates to "Big Space Monster Guilala") the X from Outer Space was originally a spore that attached itself to the underside of a rocket vessel returning to Earth. The spore promptly grows into a monster and heads off to Tokyo in order to swat at some jets and smash buildings. As you probably guessed, Guilala is eventually defeated but not before causing millions of dollars in property damage.

We at the Hyper Kitchen could not help but fall in love Guilala thanks to its bizarre design. Its head, resembling a UFO with a chicken beak, sports two marshmallow-topped antennae and red compound eyes. Its reptilian tail terminates in a big red lobster claw that is sadly never used in the movie.

Released by Shochiku Co. Ltd., a film studio hoping to create a monster to compete the big names, Uchū Daikaijū Girara was only a modest success and never launched the endless sequels and spin-offs that Godzilla did. However, Guilala was did have something of a rebirth more than forty years down the road. The beast first appeared in a series of American TV ads (although never fully identified) and its renewed popularity led to a new film called Girara no Gyakushū: Tōya-ko Samitto Kiki Ippatsu, in which it attacks the 2008 G8 summit. The reviews were decidedly mixed, but there is a rumored sequel in the works that would pit the X from Outer Space against the Gappa the Triphibian. We urge you to review your giant monster spending habits, and perhaps consider Guilala for your next city-crushing flick.

Guilala deserves your dollars.

Would you like to know more?
-You can buy a VHS copy on the Internet!

The Asteron Transmission

2011-05-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

If you're like me, than you love stories of strange broadcasts. You also think that rayon is the ideal summer fabric and speaking to people on the phone "creeps you out," but that's irrelevant. This particular account of signal hijacking comes the UK.

On Saturday, November 26th, 1977, at 5:10 PM, Southhampton viewers of the early evening news were alarmed to find that the audio that ought to have accompanied the broadcast had been replaced by an entirely different transmission:

"This is the voice of Asteron. I am an authorized representative of the Intergalactic Mission and I have a message for Earth. We are beginning to enter a period of Aquarius and there are many corrections which have to be made by Earth people. All your Weapons of Evil must be destroyed. You only have a short time to learn to live together in peace. You must live together in peace or leave the galaxy."

The local station, Southern Television, was inundated with calls about the incident and police had to be dispatched to calm at least one panicked television viewer. The exact method through which the signal was interrupted remains unknown to this day, although the design of the UHF station's transmitters made it particularly vulnerable to hijacking and the act would have been a straightforward task for anyone with enough technical know-how.

The event was publicly acknowledged by the Independent Broadcasting Authority the next day and the novelty of the story ensured its wide dissemination across the news organizations of the world. Several tabloids, whether through sloppy reporting or a deliberate attempt to sensationalize the story, elaborated upon the transcript with various b-movie threats of annihilation from the stars.

Despite the sheer implausibility of an alien trying to convey a message to the people of Earth via a UHF television station based in Hannington, England, many people decided that the transmission was truly of extraterrestrial origin. The event probably would have faded into obscurity if not for these dedicated delusionals, who continue to discus the implications of Asteron's message on various internet message forums. Meanwhile, the "period of Aquarius" has never felt more distant.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Rome News-Tribune
-Read this article form the Ellensburg Daily Record

A Reminder

2011-05-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

According to Harold Camping, Christian radio host, the rapture will occur on Saturday, May 21st, 2011. Whether the End Times will happen in the morning, afternoon, or evening has not yet been specified, but it would seem a sensible idea to have a Rapture Preparedness Kit containing first aid, bottled water, and a flashlight. Also, make sure to stock up on canned food, as Camping asserts that god will destroy the entire universe once October roles around. The rapture has previously been scheduled to fall in 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1999, and 2005. Apparently budgetary reasons have consistently lead to its postponement.

Electromagic Youth For All

2011-05-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

While studying my face in the mirror this morning (as I often do while brushing my teeth), something caught my eye. I paused to wipe the rabies-esqe toothpaste foam from my mouth, went in for a closer look and, much to my horror, noticed a few gray hairs. It appears that my extreme, fast-paced lifestyle of reckless street-racing, base-jumping, and freestyle parkour (sometimes all at once) had finally caught up with me and my body is beginning to show the inevitable signs of aging. Through the quick application of a black Sharpie, the gray hairs were concealed from view and my youthful good-looks returned.

Many people, however, would never be satisfied with my permanent-marker method and instead rely on more esoteric attempts to thwart the inevitable effects of time. Take, for example, the Integratron: the new age cure for old age.

Built near the aptly named Giant Rock boulder in Landers, California, the Integratron is a dome constructed from plywood and fiberglass. Its resemblance to a UFO is probably no coincidence as its designer, George Van Tassel, claimed to have been given instructions by creatures from the planet Venus. Van Tassel devoted his life to working on the Integratron. He funded the project through annual Giant Rock Spacecraft Conventions, in which UFO enthusiasts from all over the United States came to share their stories of encounters with otherworldly intelligences. One such visitor was two-time presidential candidate Gabriel Green, who wrote about the convention in his book Let's Face the Facts About Flying Saucers.

The Integraton was intended to be a "high-voltage electrostatic generator" that would "recharge" one's cells and rejuvenate the mind and body. Van Tassel was convinced that the unique dome shape of the Integratron would draw upon naturally occurring electromagnetic phenomena that he believed to exist near Giant Rock. The Integratron served as the base of operations for his "Ashtar Command" new age concepts until his death in 1978. Apparently the Integratron's rejuvenating effects were never enjoyed by its creator.

Afterward, the building was briefly considered for renovation into a disco, but fortunately the idea never materialized. Currently the Integratron is operated by a group that rents it out for restorative "sound baths", metaphysical gatherings, art installations, and musical events.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit to Integratron's official website.

Maniac Ape Strikes Again

2011-05-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

Listen Shoughnessy, there's a gorilla on the loose and he may be our murderer!

It's in the air, for you and me.

2011-04-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Fallout is forever.

I'm Not Afraid of Flying Saucers

2011-03-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

According to the most recent radio reports, it appears that Vermont is in for the final snowstorm of the season and it's going to be a big one. The chefs of the Hyper Kitchen are understandably concerned that they will be snowed-in, and that uncontrollable madness and potential axe-murders will be the result of this isolation from civilized society. As such, we thought it prudent to get the Monster of the Month segment done as quickly as possible before the inevitable slide into barbarism occurs.

If asked to draw an alien, it's a safe bet that you would produce an illustration of some macrocephalic, bug-eyed dwarf with gray-green skin and a smug expression. This image has become the archetype of extraterrestrials after being popularized by the X-Files, the Weekly World News, and various sci-fi flicks. These so-called "Grays" were based on descriptions of the otherworldly entities supposedly witnessed in actual alien abduction cases. In fact, the majority of these accounts include variations on the Little Gray Man. However, that isn't to say there aren't some exceptions and now and again a spectacular oddball will come along. The Flatwoods Monster springs immediately to mind, as do today's Monster of the Month: the Pascagoula Abductors.

On the night of October 11th, 1973 shipyard workers Calvin Parker and Charlie Hickson were fishing on the Pascagoula River when a UFO descended from the skies and deposited three truly unnatural humanoids. Standing at around five feet tall, they were described as having pale gray skin that was wrinkled like a rhino's hide. Their hands were fleshy "mittens" or "claws," and their stumpy legs remained motionless as they hovered through the air. Their faces consisted of little else than dour, slit-like mouths and several carrot-like shapes erupted from each side of the head. Moving in a clumsy, robotic fashion, these three strangers from beyond proceeded to levitate Parker and Hickson into their spaceship, whereupon the terrified humans were monitored by a baseball-shaped camera.

Do the Pascagoula Abductors represent the genuine face of alien life; having come from some unknowable world to float around and study us with silver spheres? According to those involved, both Parker and Hickson were genuinely hysterical and did not behave like a couple of hoaxers. After world of the abduction spread like wildfire across the Mississippi media, others came forward to saw that they had noticed some unusual activity in the sky around the vicinity of the purported abduction. Despite this, workers at two 24-hour toll-booths that were in the full view of the river never saw any UFO and security cameras at a nearby shipyard showed nothing out of the ordinary. Additionally, twenty years down the road Parker has significantly elaborated upon his original story and also claims to have had subsequent alien encounters with a tiny alien woman who apparently reads the Bible.

But don't take my word for it!

-You can read about it in a book.

Or, if you don't have fifty bucks to burn,
listen to this interview of Charlie Hickson.

The kids love gorillas.

2011-03-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

It's complicated.

The Nowhere Pit

2011-03-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

In 1997, the notoriously reliable Coast-to-Coast AM radio program featured an interview with a man named Mel Waters from Ellensburg, Washington. Mel announced that he had discovered a hole on his property said have been once used by rural townsfolk as a dump for broken appliances and garbage. This was no cellar hole though. No matter how much trash was thrown down into the darkness, the hole was never filled. It appeared to be a genuine abyss. Waters claimed to have lowered reel upon reel of fishing line down into the hole in hopes of measuring its depths, but gave up after exceeding fifteen miles in line length. Apart from its anomalous size, the hole had other mysterious properties. Mel related local stories about dead animals being thrown into the hole, only to return alive and well a few days later. However, these resurrected creatures behaved strangely and avoided humans. Waters always declined to describe the hole's exact location.

Mel Waters' story proved to be a popular one and he was invited back on the show on five subsequent occasions. Word of the hole spread, and Washington-area paranormal enthusiasts became quite excited. UFO followers, New Agers, and bigfoot trackers headed to Ellensburg in hopes of finding Waters' arcane hole. Several old wells were found, many of considerable depth, but nothing arcane was ever discovered.

In his later interviews, Waters mentioned that he had been threatened by soldiers dressed in yellow uniforms and that these men demand that he cease his examinations of the hole or they would frame him for crimes he did not commit. Perhaps these yellow soldiers eventually did away with the troublesome Mr. Waters for good or maybe he tripped and fell into the abyss, as he never again called in to Coast to Coast AM and later investigations revealed that no one by that name owned any land in Ellensburg. Despite this apparent disappearance, the story of the hole is sustained by a small but dedicated group of believers in the supernatural.

Would you like to know more?

-Read this article from the Seattle Times

-Read this article from the Seattle PI

260 Miles to...the Thing.

2011-02-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

This morning, the letters of my Alpha-Bits breakfast cereal re-arranged themselves to spell out "D O O M." While I'm hardly the superstitious type, it did remind me that February had departed and it was time for another exciting Monster of the Month installment.

Between El Paso, Texas and Dragoon, Arizona, there are hundreds of billboards alongside Route I-10; advertising 24 hour gas stations, restaurants, music clubs, and tourist destinations. Among these are more than two hundred billboards, painted a distinctive yellow, that alert drivers to a particular attraction off of Exit 322. The attraction in question rests at a local gas station.

They call it...the Thing.

Referred to by various signs as the "What-is-it" or "The Mystery of the Desert," the Thing can viewed at the cost of only a single dollar (75 cents for those under eighteen). After paying at the register, visitors are lead to three shacks made of corrugated steel, connected by a path marked out with bright yellow monster footprints. The first shack contains various tableaus depicting scenes of torture. Carved wooden figures menace caged prisoners with hooks, branding irons, and lashes. Shack number two contains an odd assortment of dust-covered antiques on display, along with some peculiar folk-art and a 1937 Rolls Royce said to have been owned by Adolf Hitler.

The third shack is dominated by the final "What is it?" sign. Beneath it is a white coffin-like box with a large glass lid. Therein lies...the Thing: a shriveled, freakish figure that may or may not have once been human. Pictures can be found on the Internet, but we decided it was best to preserve the mystery of the Thing and not completely reveal its appearance.

The history of the Thing has some gaps, but it is commonly accepted that it was created in 1950 by Homer Tate, a lifelong builder of sideshow exhibits like shrunken heads, Fiji Mermaids, and alligator men. At some point, the Thing came into possession of attorney Thomas Prince, who established the exhibit in 1965. Since then,legions of tourists have been compelled to see the Thing for themselves; beckoned by hundreds of billboards.

And within its glass sarcophagus, the Thing silently waits for them.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit this Homer Tate tribute
-Read this article from Roadside America

Secret of the Space Tyrant!

2011-02-23T13:14:00.000-08:00

Kalmykia is a small Buddhist republic in the greater Russian Federation. For 17 years, the nation was ruled by President Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, a multi-millionaire who made his fortune in the privatization of the Russian auto industry after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Ilyumzhinov is also the head of the World Chess Federation and introduced compulsory chess-education in Kalmykian schools. His time as president was marked by ostentatious displays and charges of corruption. The people of Kalmykia remain the poorest in all of Russia, despite numerous expensive construction projects; most notably a still yet-to-be-completed "Chess City" which was intended to house and celebrate chess champions and facilitate competitions. In 1998, opposition journalist Larisa Yudina was found stabbed and bludgeoned to death after publishing articles critical of Ilyumzhinov. Her murderers were two former government aides to Ilyumzhinov, who promptly banned the publication of Yudina's newspaper. The organization Reporters without Borders currently rate Kalmykia as being "among the most repressive towards the media in the entire Russian Federation." If this wasn't enough, Ilyumzhinov also described having a friendly relationship with Libyan dictator Muammar al-Gaddafi and former Iraqi-dictator Saddam Hussien.

Despite these little controversies, Vladimir Putin, then president of Russia, seemed to think well of Ilyumzhinov. In 2002, after Putin abolished the direct election of regional leaders (with this power being relocated to the Russian presidency), he selected Ilyumshinov for another seven-year term. Ilyumzhinov's political future was assured, until 2010 when the Kalmykian president made a very serious gaffe on a televised interview.

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov announced that on September 17th, 1997, during a trip to Moscow, he was visited by aliens.

The abduction was a simple affair, really. As described by Ilyumzhinov, the aliens descended from the skies, took him from his apartment and brought him to "some star." Ilyumzhinov, fearing that he would be late for a meeting in Ukraine, asked the aliens if they could bring him back to Earth and they complied. During the voyage, Ilyumzhinov had the opportunity to talk at length with his newfound extraterrestrial friends and they implied that chess originated in outer space.

Shortly after the interview, Putin's successor President Dmitry Medvedev received a letter from an alarmed Russian MP Andre Lebedev, who asserted that Ilyumzhinov was unfit to rule Kalmykia. Rather than decrying Ilyumzhinov as delusional, Lebedev was primarily concerned that the Kalmykian president may have disclosed official secrets to the aliens and created a security risk for the Russian Federation. Lebedev went on to suggest that alien abduction protocol be drafted for government leaders to prevent breaches of sensitive information.

It was probably not a coincidence that after controlling Kalmykia since 1993, Ilyumzhinov announced that he would not run for another term. Medvedev's new appointed president of Kalmykia, Alexei Orlov, was installed into power on October 24th, 2010. Although he has lost his political power, Ilymzhinov continues to act as the president of the World Chess Federation. Chessplayers, it appears, are more familiar with insanity.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Guardian
-Read this article from the BBC
-Watch this interview with Illymzhinov

The View from the Atom is Gorgeous This Time of Year

2011-02-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

In 1958, Brussels was home to the first World's Fair Exposition to come after World War II. The event was super-saturated with post-war optimism and futurist ideas, and despite that more than fifty years has past since the Fair took place, those ideas can still be seen as embodied by the Atomium; a 335-foot tall structure inspired by the iron atom. Consisting of eight enormous steel spheres joined by sixteen tubes, the Atomium dominates the landscape like an alien spaceship. Each sphere is nearly sixty feet across and they house exhibit halls and (at one time) a restaurant. Sadly, due to safety concerns the three top-most spheres are off limits to the general public.

The building was intended to be demolished at the completion of the fair, but it proved to be such an iconic work of architecture that it was allowed to remain. Currently, it's the most popular destination in the city and a holdover to a unique period in history.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit the official Atomium site

It Came From Craftsbury

2011-01-29T22:05:00.000-08:00

Holy Saint Martha! As impossible as it may seem, January is gone forever and it's time once again for another long over-due installment of our world famous Monster of the Month series. Today, we thought that we'd keep it local and focus on a creature that's straight out of the Green Mountain State. Just as Florida has the Skunk Ape, just as Illinois has the Mad Gasser, just as Idaho has whatever monster Idaho presumably has (possibly potato based)...so too must Vermont have a monster to call its own. However, since most everyone is familar with the lake dwelling Champ, we decided to showcase another unnatural beast. Submitted for your approval: the bloodthirsty Goonyak!

While there are a couple variations on the story of Goonyak, they all date back to 1976, and seem to have originated from the Craftsbury region. The physical description remains consistant, though. Goonyak stands out in the crowd of shaggy Bigfoot-types thanks to his sheer size and predatory ferocity. It was said to be eight feet tall, strong enough to rip barn doors from their hinges, and posessed six inch claws which it used to skin its prey. In one version of the story, Goonyak is killed by a farmer, but only after taking ten shots to the chest. In another version, it's a game warden who manages to slay the monster. Afterwards, pathologists at UVM dissect the enormous corpse in some clandestine laboratory. No one can say what terrifying secrets spilled forth from Goonyak's innards.

In researching the beast, Vermont author Joe Citro found no evidence to support the tall tale. Both the Vermont Fish and Wildlife Department and UVM have denied Goonyak ever existed, but we like to think that UVM President Daniel Fogel keeps the remains inside a secret vault and (in between budget reviews and meetings with the alumni association) stares at the clawed hulk in mute horror.

But don't take my word for it!
You can read about it in a book.
Or you can read about it in this book.
Or, better still, read about it in both books. They're both excellent.

Wreck. Rebuild. Repeat.

2011-01-29T21:14:00.000-08:00

Seventy thousand people come to Disaster City every year, but they never stay for long. The place is strewn with burnt and broken furniture, crushed cars, and scattered garbage. Ruined children's toys can be seen in particularly ghastly areas, and elsewhere you might catch a glimpse of a severed limb. Mercifully, Disaster City is not a proper city at all, but a massive emergency simulator that stretches across 120 acres. The brainchild of George Bennett, the dean of engineering at the colossal Texas A&M University, Disaster City is intended to train firefighters and rescue workers from around the world and therefore must be as convincing as possible.

Bennett first conceived the idea for the City in 1998, after the Oklahoma City federal building was bombed. The tragedy convinced Bennett of the importance of a training ground where people could learn to navigate rubble and rescue survivors as quickly as possible. Disaster City features mock-ups of collapsed malls, factories, office buildings, parking garages, and even a ship. Each day, volunteers are given realistic make-up "wounds" and head to the City to take part in the training exercises. Mannequins are used in the place of corpses. Visiting firefighters will scour the debris for the concealed volunteers and learn how to operate the equipment necessary to free them.

Humans aren't the only ones that receive training either. Various organizations, including the Department of Engineering at Texas A&M, have used Disaster City to test experimental robots intended to venture into areas too dangerous for rescue workers. Rescue dogs are also brought to the City to sniff out "survivors."

The entire site cost $7.7 million and it provides invaluable experience to people from all over the globe, so that when tragedy strikes, they will be well prepared to help save lives. Compare this cost to $237 million budget of Avatar and contemplate the bizarre priorities of America.

Would you like to know more?

-Visit Disaster City's official website

-Read this article from Der Spiegel

-Watch this short informational video

And now, a word from Commander Ace Hunter

2011-01-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

Well? Are you?

Samurai of the Sea

2011-01-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

The 1185 naval Battle of Dan-no-ura did not end well for the Heike of Japan. One of their generals had defected to the side of the rival Minamoto clan, and arrows were raining down on their ships. Soon, the Heike's child-emperor Antoku (only six years old at the time) was left defenseless as his guardian samurai hurled themselves into the sea, preferring death to defeat. Little Antoku was slain with his grandmother, and the Minamoto ultimately won the Genpei War and became the ruling shogunate of all of Japan, beginning a period of military rule that lasted several hundred years.

This historical battle produced some mighty interesting folklore. As the legends goes, for allowing their clan to be destroyed, the spirits of the Heike samurai were doomed to wander the ocean floor in the form of crabs. Even in their new crustacean forms, they still bore the furrowed brow and snarl that typifies any good samurai. Upon finding these many-legged warrior ghosts in their nets, fishermen would throw them back into the sea lest they interfered with the world of the supernatural.

Nowadays, the Heikegani are a fairly common variety of crab in the waters of Japan. They are immediately recognizable thanks to their distinctive bumpy carapace. Human beings are psychologically hardwired to recognize facial patterns (just try looking at an electrical outlet and avoid seeing a panicked expression) and it's easy to see a grimace on the backs of these crabs. It is thought that the Heikegani were given their unusual shells thanks to generations of artificial selection. The superstitious fishermen of antiquity, tossing back those crabs that appeared to have samurai faces while eating the crabs that appeared normal, unknowing bred a new species. Thanks to the enduring legend surrounding the Battle of Dan-no-ura, the Heikegani have had a lasting cultural influence; they have served as the inspiration for an acclaimed 1911 shin kabuki play and even appeared in a 1997 issue of the long-running Usagi Yojimbo comic series as enemies of the eponymous samurai rabbit.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch Carl Sagan talk about Heikegani in this educational video
-Read this article by Joel W. Martin

Hotline Call

2011-01-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

Stand-by, people.

Devil Claw

2010-10-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

The Codex Gigas is a manuscript dating back to the thirteenth century. Weighing in at 165 pounds and measuring more than 19 inches wide and just over two feet tall, the book is the largest of its kind (its name literally meaning "Giant Book"). The book was originally created in Bohemia, in what is now the Czech Republic, but was captured by the Swedish army in the 1600's and has since been on display in the Swedish Royal Library in Stockholm.

The book contains a Latin version of the Bible, written in ornate, multi-colored ink. Despite its great age, handsome design, and enormous size, the Codex Gigas is widely known for a single illustration that dominates page 577.

According to the lore that surrounds the Codex, the book was written by a Czech monk who was instructed by his superiors to create the massive volume in a single night or face imprisonment. With god having thrown him a curveball with this impossible task, the monk summoned the Devil for assistance. In exchange for his soul, the Devil helped him complete the titanic Codex. In gratitude, the monk included an illustration of the ol' Prince of Darkness. Scientists. however, believe that the Codex was written over a period of twenty-years and there was no satanic involvement. Still, the illustration is a striking one, and especially prominant in a book that is mostly text.

Notice how the eyes seem to follow you?

Would you like to know more?
-Visit the book's official site
-Read about the Codex on National Geographic's site

Dawn of Man or Hero of the Beach?

2010-10-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

The origin of humankind has been a point of contention for as long as we've had the capacity for introspection. Throughout history, adherents of wildly contradictory explanations have locked horns and even in today's modern times it remains a touchy subject. In spite of all this, scientific inquiry had shed light on humanity's humble beginnings and there is a general consensus concerning our development and our shared heritage with other primates. It is basically acknowledged that homo sapiens are descended from hominids that (for reasons still under debate) departed from the trees to the tall grasses of the savannah. In evolutionary terms, that really got the ball rolling.

Because we're dealing with events from a unknowably distant period in Earth's history, all we can do is make informed conjecture based upon fossil evidence. Our knowledge of man's development is far from complete, and certain behavioral and physical traits still require explanation. Over the decades, various theories invariably come forward to fill these gaps. Some are carefully considered and firmly based upon observation of available data. Others are decidedly strange. The Aquatic Ape Hypothesis, which holds that modern man evolved from an amphibious hominid, belongs firmly in the latter category.

Here's the skinny: the idea first surfaced in 1930, when a British marine biologist named Alistair Hardy reasoned that man's ancestors were shoved from the trees by our competitive ape cousins and these proto-humans took to the shores to feed upon the shellfish. Eventually they adapted to their watery environment, and the vestiges of these adaptations can still be seen in modern humans. Not yet a credentialed scientist, Hardy was apprehensive about divulging his theory to the world and waited until 1960, in which he detailed his unique hypothesis to a meeting of British Sub-Aqua Club, subsequently publishing his lecture in the pages of New Scientist magazine.

The idea was immediately controversial. However, Hardy's theory did have its proponents, one being BBC television screen-writer Elaine Morgan. Morgan was convinced that the accepted theories about humanity's early days were born out of a male-dominated scientific world and failed to answer crucial questions because they were inherently sexist. In 1967, she read about Hardy's theory in its brief mention in The Naked Ape by Desmond Norris. Morgan was taken with the idea and became the theory's principle advocate.

Morgan asserts that the Aquatic Ape Hypothesis offers explanations for man's upright posture and general lack of hair, among other traits and condemns the paleontologist community for narrow-mindedness and conservatism. Still, the hypothesis hasn't won any major interest in the past forty years among serious scientists, primarily due to the crucial lack of supporting evidence. The skeletal remains of these water-loving ancestors were apparently carried off by the waves, as zero fossils have ever been discovered that corroborate with the theory. Additionally (and this will come as no surprise to anyone) modern aquatic and semi-aquatic mammals are remarkably different from humans in their design. With our long limbs and non-webbed hands, we make comparatively mediocre swimmers. If we ever had an aquatic stage, we'd look more like dolphins....which is a somewhat terrifying thought.

Elaine Morgan continues to write about the Aquatic Ape subject and deliver lectures at UK universities. We can't help but feel somewhat sad about her long, thankless mission. Frankly, her theory just doesn't hold water.

Would you like to know more?

-Watch this video of Elaine Morgan discussing hear theories

-Read this critique of Elaine Morgan's book The Scars of Evolution

-Watch the BBC documentary on the subject, The Aquatic Ape

Commence Re-entry

2010-10-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

The commissioner just called.

We've been reactivated.

Stand-by.

Minor Magic

2010-06-11T05:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks to pop-culture, nearly everyone has heard of Necromancy or the practice of black magic that deals exclusively with the dead. Those that haven't heard are missing out. Go watch a Conan flick and get educated.

At any rate, in the realm of mythology and folklore, Necromancy was primarily a method of divination, or predicting the future. However, you needn't hike to your local graveyard, shovel in hand, just to catch of a glimpse of That Yet to Be. Here are some alternative methods, taken from An Encylopaedia of Occultism by Lewis Spence (published in 1920).

Aromancy: A method of divination which is effected by the inspection of the shoulders. The ancients judged by this means whether a victim was suitable for sacrifice to the gods.

Capnomancy: The observation of smoke, which consisted of three principal methods, including the practice of breathing the smoke of the sacrificial fire.

Cleromancy: Was practised by throwing dice. Mentioned in Egypt and Rome.

Critomancy: Divination by means of observing cakes. The paste of cakes which are offered in sacrifice, is closely examined, and from the flour which is spread upon them, omens are drawn.

Gyromancy: Was performed by going round continually in a circle, the circumference of which was marked by letters.

Hippomancy: A method of divination practised by the ancient Celts, who kept certain white horses in consecrated groves. If on leaving in the outbreak of hostilities they crossed the threshold with the left forehoof first, the presage was regarded as an evil one, and the war was abandoned.

Kephalomancy: A method of divination which is practised by making signs on the baked head of an ass. It was familiar to the Germans and the Lombards substituted for it the head of a goat.

Onychomancy: Divination by fingernails. It is practised by watching the reflection of the sun in the nails of a boy, and judging the future by the shape of the figures which show themselves on their surface.

Stoichemancy: A method of divination which is practised by opening the works of Homer or Virgil and reading as an oracular statement the first verse which presents itself.

Stolisomancy: Divination from the manner in which a person dresses himself.

Tiromancy: Divination by means of cheese. It is practised in diverse ways the details of which are not known.

But don't take my word for it!

You can read about in a book.

Sadists of the Sky

2010-05-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

As Canada slowly burns away, May quietly exits the building. Clearly it's time for another Monster of the Month. Many of our previous entries have been fished out of the murky pool of b-movie cinema, so we thought that it was high time that we enriched the pulsating young minds of our readers by visiting the world of art. We at the Hyper Kitchen are connoisseurs of high culture, and believe us when we say that all truly great art has monsters in it. Case in point: the Torment of Saint Anthony by Michelangelo.

Originally thought to have been painted by Domenico Ghirlandaio (Michelangelo's mentor and fellow Italian), it was eventually determined to be a Michelangelo piece in 2009. Drawing upon medieval Christian folklore, the painting depicts Saint Anthony swept into the air by a horde of shrieking demons. While a few of these devils are of the more generic variety, most are surreal beasts with animal features. Of particular merit is what appears to be a melancholy hybrid of fish, porcupine, and elephant, ready to bash in Saint Anthony's head with a large club.

Adventures in Science

2010-05-31T14:14:00.003-07:00

Apparently Professor Townsend survived his encounter with Mac and Alan, and went on to write a tell-all comic book about his experiences.

One Bad Hombre

2010-05-31T14:14:00.001-07:00

Saddle up.

The Tree of Crime Bears Bitter Fruit

2010-05-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

As the need for new sources of energy becomes ever more painfully obvious, enormous quantities of money are being invested in the development of bio-diesel fuels. While the sustainability of these fuels is questionable, that hasn't stopped scientists from analyzing countless different plants in search of viable sources of bio-diesel. One such member of the vegetable kingdom is the Pong-Pong Tree, known by the scientific name Cerbera Odollam. The Pong-Pong Tree makes its home in India and Southeast Asia, and produces green mango-sized pods. However: fruit fans take caution! The seeds that these pods carry contain a poison, cerberin, that causes a deadly disruption of the heart-beat. The poison seeds have been used for centuries by the inhabitants of India and Madascar for various sinister pursuits. The easy to conceal seeds, combined with the difficulty of detecting cerberin in autopsies, makes the Pong-Pong fruit ideal for murderers everywhere. People have also commonly used it to kill themselves, leading to the ghoulish nickname of "The Suicide Tree."

Would you like to know more?

-Read this article from New Scientist

-Feeling brave? Read this technical proposal on Pong-Pong bio-diesel extraction

How Things Work: Russian Navy Edition

2010-05-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

The Novgorod was built in 1874 by the Imperial Russian Navy. Its designer, Admiral Andrei Popov, believed that the unique circular shape of the vessel would give it the capacity to carry much heavier guns that other ships of its size, due to the greater displacement of water. It was also intended to have uncommon stability while fighting coastal battles.

As it happened, the ship was an astounding failure of design. Thanks to its odd shape, manuveribility was difficult and smooth-sailing was impossible, as the Novgorod was tossed about by even mild waves. The force of its own cannons was sufficient to spend the ship spinning in the water, and even the addition of special rudders couldn't fully correct the problem.

The ship proved to be wildly impractical in the Russo-Turkish War of 1877. In the end, the Novgorod was used infrequently as a coast patrol-boat, before finally being scrapped in 1912.

But don't take my word for it!

You can read about it in a book!

Insect America

2010-05-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

The New Wavelength

2010-05-12T06:44:00.001-07:00

Reject your hi-def, widescreen plasma television! True technological elegance can only be achieved through bakelite dials and pine molding!

Relax

2010-05-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

You'll feel like a king when you take a seat in our new Tri-Sheep Recliner. At last: comfort and style at affordable prices.

Protect and Serve...in Heels

2010-04-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

That guy is, like, eight feet tall.

Bite the Hand That Feeds You

2010-04-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

April has passed by at a speed usually reserved for insidious subliminal messages [drink pepsi] and we are compelled to bring to you a new installment of the Hyper Kitchen's notorious Monster of the Month Series. Earlier, a friend suggested an entry on vampires, and while we're ordinarily way too hip to be swayed by popular demand, we relished the idea of digging up a vampire that wasn't your typical pale-faced Romanian...or a sparkly teenager. Our search yielded some mighty interesting subjects, which we will doubtlessly return to at some point in the future, but after careful consideration we went for another figure from the world of horror films. With no further delay, we are proud to present Zoltan, the Hound of Dracula!

Appearing in the 1978 movie that bears its name, Zoltan was originally a normal dog in 19th century Russia that defended a woman from the legendary vampire Count Dracula. Enraged, Dracula drains the dog's blood instead, leaving Zoltan an undead hound of hell. The now-malevolent Zoltan promptly attacks and drinks the blood of Nalder, his old master and the two go forth to perpetuate the tragic endless cycle of blood-drinking and murder. Through a series of unseen circumstances, they are defeated, staked, and locked in coffins.

Two hundred years later, the crypt is discovered by road-workers who foolishly remove the stakes and thereby return the demonic dog and his sidekick to life. Still thralls of Dracula after all this time, they travel to America and seek out Dracula's non-vampire descendant, who is in the middle of camping with his family, his German Shepard, and a box of adorable puppies. These animals, as well as dogs belonging to other campers, are eventually transformed into vampires, but human good triumphs over canine evil and Zoltan is destroyed. The film was directed by Albert Band, who also directed the supernatural potboiler I Bury the Living and was the father of Charles Band (the man who brought Robot Jox to the world.)

Now you know.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch this trailer and feel the horror

How Things Work Part IX: Where Milk Comes From

2010-04-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

Everything you thought you knew about dairy is entirely wrong.

Meet the New Masters

2010-04-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

Modern Times For Modern Men

2010-04-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

Farmyard Frankenstein

2010-04-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

In the late forties and early fifties, H.E. Babcock served as the chairman of the board at Cornell University. An agriculture expert and one of the original nutrition advocates, Babcock was always searching for ways to promote the type of balanced diet that New York farms provided. He was especially keen on educating children. To this end, he created the Unimal, a wide-eyed hybrid of every principle farm animal that seemed overjoyed at its ultimate fate on America's dinner table.

While it's probably easy to discern the different animal features present in the Unimal, the official sources of inspiration were the chicken, cow, pig, steer, and sheep. A tiny toy version was produced for the kids, and in a manner similar to a Pez dispenser it would eject tiny plastic food items from its body by clicking a special button. Curiously, despite being created to teach young'ns about nutrition, the food offered by the Unimal (including a block of butter, a ham, hotdogs, and eggs) seemed to point towards high-blood pressure and cholesterol. One can only assume that a toy multi-hybrid vegetable wouldn't have been quite as popular.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch this excerpt from the 2009 documentary Farmboy.

The Spiraling Shape

2010-03-31T16:16:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed, there haven't been too many posts on the Hyper Kitchen lately. Spring is always a hectic time around here. Everyone has had their hands full raking up the lawn, vacuuming up the ladybugs that swarm around our windows, fighting crime, and completing our taxes in the eleventh hour. Before you know it: BOOM! March is over and we're left up to our elbows in dusty tomes trying doing last minute research for viable Hyper Kitchen material.

As I looked around the Reading Room table, I saw only grim faces. Our procrastination had at last become our undoing. It was then that Hector Gush, our staff historian and pastry-maker, pointed out that it was unfair to our fan base to pass off inferior, rushed work in the place of the sumptuous food for thought that you truly deserve. We had only one option.

While it breaks our hearts to do this, we have decided to use hypnotism to make you forget this entire incident. It's an underhanded move, sure, but it buys us time to work and we'll make it up to you. Now: stare deeply into the center of Hypno-Spiral.

The Volcano God and US Navy

2010-03-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

The nation of Vanuatu spreads across eighty small islands between Fiji and New Guinea. As is typical for the region, these islands were created by volcanic upheaval. The central island, Tanna, is defined by an active stratovolcano called Yasur. There are minor eruptions every hour and there is a persistent plume of smog hanging in the air.

According to many of the islanders, Yasur is the home of god. In this case, god is John Frum; an omnipotent spirit who takes the form of a sailor from the United States Navy. Frum is worshipped by 6000 people, who swear that he shall one day emerge from the volcano bearing gifts of motorboats, cigarettes, kitchen appliances, and Coca-Cola. Every February 15th, John Frum's adherents celebrate their god by raising approximations of the American flag, painting "U.S.A" on their chests, dancing with bamboo rifles, and singing songs about chainsaws. There is also ritualized consumption of intoxicating beverages, which are said to facilitate communication with John Frum.

The Cult of John Frum extends back to the 1930's. Vanuatu had been under Western control since the 1880's, and the tribes of warrior cannibals had been thoroughly conquered. Missionaries were determined to erase all elements of native culture in order to cultivate proper Christian communities, and the islanders were kept under strict control. Meanwhile, the US Navy had a growing presence in the area. As the legend goes, a group of elders were secretly imbibing a traditional concoction made from the kava plant and they were visited by a man dressed in a Navy uniform. Some say he was black, and others insist he was white, but he spoke their language and introduced himself as John Frum.

Frum explained that he would save them from the missionaries and urged them avoid church, throw away Western money, and remove their children from Western schools. At first, the colonial powers insisted that this John Frum was merely a native impostor and no true god. Then they started arresting followers of John Frum and deporting them from Vanuatu, but the cultists eventually became to numerous to deal with. By 1941, the followers of John Frum had become the dominant cultural force of the islands. Coincidentally, America had declared war of the Axis powers and Vanuatu was soon to be converted into a naval base. The cultists believed these men to be the emissaries of John Frum and approached them with reverence and loyalty.

At first the Navy found the John Frum Cult to be extremely convenient. In exchange for surplus and a 25 cent daily salary, the islanders helped the Navy construct airstrips in the jungle and haul cargo from ships. The islands were fascinated by the material goods of the Americans and saw them as gifts from John Frum. Ultimately the Navy grew uneasy and tried to suppress the cult to little success. As the war ended and the Navy started withdraw from the region, entire bases were bulldozed into the sea. Beneath the waves, a coral reef began to grow on this pile of jeeps, radio equipment, and concrete debris. Vanuatu divers would scrounge through these underwater junk heaps for useful items, tantalized by glittering Coke bottles.

To this day, despite an influx of modern culture in the form of tourists, the cultists continue to praise the name of John Frum and await his return. They build symbolic airstrips in the jungle (complete with bamboo radio towers), and adorn themselves with holy crosses (most likely appropriated long ago from military medical vehicles). While anthropological study continues to glean new insight of this group and of the nature of religion in general, important questions remain unanswered, not the least of which being: who was John Frum, really? Was he a kava-born hallucination? A con-man sailor? Perhaps one day he'll rise up from the volcano and shed some light on all of this.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from Smithsonian Magazine
-Read this article from the BBC

Anti-Radiation Suit circa 1914

2010-03-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

How Things Work Part VIII: Exterminator in the year 3000

2010-03-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

New Instructions

2010-03-05T07:01:00.000-08:00

Vermont author Joe Citro has a new blog, and you must visit it. It gives sliced bread a run for its money. Also: keep your ears peeled for his latest commentaries on VPR.

How Things Work VII: The Next Generation

2010-03-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

Now it can be told.

Murder Machine

2010-02-28T20:34:00.001-08:00

Doubtlessly, you've been checking and re-checking the Hyper Kitchen (sweat pouring down your furrowed brow) in anticipation of February's installment of our internationally known Monster of the Month series. Well! Mop that perspiration away, dear reader, and feast your eyes on the mechanical monstrosity known as the Killdozer.

The Killdozer originally appeared in a 1944 novella written by Theodore Sturgeon, published in Astounding Science-Fiction Magazine. Sturgeon had been writing professionally since 1938, but suffered from a crippling bout of writer's block. Searching for ideas, he recalled his time as a construction worker and bulldozer operator in Puerto Rico and in a sudden burst of inspiration wrote the story Killdozer!. It proved to be quite profitable and was even adapted into a made-for-TV movie in 1974.

The Killdozer was once an ordinary piece of heavy machinery, used in constructing an airstrip on a remote pacific island during WWII. The small crew of workers unearth a strange temple and discover the existence of an ancient super-civilization that was all-but destroyed in a war with living machines. An energy form emerges from the temple and possesses the workers' bulldozer, and the resulting monster proceeds to slaughter those on the island. Only one of the workers survives, and after destroying the Killdozer, all evidence of the extraordinary events is forever erased by some Japanese bombers who demolish the landscape into rubble.

While Sturgeon would go on to write excellent works of science-fiction including To Marry Medusa and More than Human, Killdozer! is of comparable quality (if less high-brow). Sturgeon was was able to take a bizarre, nearly comical premise and turn it into an entertaining yarn with genuine suspense and action. The story is greatly recommended.

But don't take my word for it!
You can read about it in a book.

Rictus

2010-02-27T19:57:00.000-08:00

We may have found the perfect man for the Severed Mouth Woman.

Welcome to Garbage City

2010-02-27T12:10:00.001-08:00

Egypt's capital, Cairo, generates 25000 tons of refuse every day, and yet it had no municipal garbage collection service until 1980. For several generations this was the primary duty of the Zabbaleen (or "garbage people"), an ethnic minority of Coptic Christians. Even after the changes of the eighties, the Zabbaleen continue to be an integral component of Cairo's rubbish removal system.

The Zabbaleen live in Manshiyat naser, a slum without electricity or running water built on the edge of Cairo. They gather garbage by the truckload from Cairo and return home to sort it. Salvageable items are utilized by the city's inhabitants. Scrap metal is gathered and sold, along with recyclable plastic products. All organic waste is fed to pigs, which are eaten by the Zabbaleen or sold in Cairo meat markets. Manshiyat naser's entire economy revolves around trash. The streets are piled high with tightly-wired bales of garbage and overstuffed garbage bags cover the rooftops.

Recently in 2009, the Egyptian government delivered a serious blow to the Zabbaleen by ordering the slaughter of thousands of pigs, ostensibly to prevent the swine flu. While this did exactly nothing to curb the spread of the virus, it did succeed in leaving the Zabbaleen robbed of their major food source and good portion of their income. Additionally, organic waste could no longer be disposed of with sufficient speed, and the piles of resulting rancid piles of rubbish bred vermin and disease. Fortunately, in the wake of the crisis there has been a renewed effort to educate the largely illiterate Zabbaleen and develop Mashiyay naser into a center of profitable recycling businesses.

Would you like to know more?

-Watch this segment from the PBS Newshour

-Read this article from the New York Times

-Read this article from the Christian Science Monitor

Beauty! Youth! Blood-sucking Parasites!

2010-02-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Moscow is home to a new therapy that promises to refresh and rejuvenate unlike anything else available. If that sounds intriguing to you, then you might think otherwise once you hear that it is based out of the International Leech Center, and the process involves the placement of sanitary, farm-raised leeches on the body to drain one's blood.

Leeches have been used in medicine since the middle ages, but it's only recently that they've been employed for anything practical, in reducing unwanted coagulation during surgeries. The saliva of the leech contains tiny amounts of a chemical called hirudin, which prevents blood clots from forming. The International Leech Center asserts that hirudin offers therapeutic effects for everything from one's skin to one's psychology. Children have been brought to the Center in hopes that the leeches can somehow correct hyperactivity (possibly through drinking their blood away until they're left in a stupor).

The majority of their clients, however, are women hoping to save their bodies from the inevitable effects of aging. In these cases, the leeches placed on the client's cheeks and forehead are burst, giving the client a warm, facial rinse in their own blood. One such leech-devotee is actress Demi Moore (which is bizarrely ironic given that this was one of her first films), who has gone on Letterman to regale a nauseated audience about the benefits of having one's body covered in blood-thirsty aquatic worms. Meanwhile several doctors have expressed skepticism about the practice, although this has had little effect on business. On the contrary, leech-breeding continues to be a highly profitable enterprise in Russia and new farms are being opened to meet the increased demand. All of this serves to highlight the great lengths people will go to maintain their appearance.

We at the Hyper Kitchen like you just the way you are.

Would you like to know more?
-Visit the International Leech Center
-See the interior of a leech farm with this series of photos (safe for the squeamish)
-Read this article from SkyNews

Sundays in the Park with Godzilla

2010-02-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

The stars shine even brighter just before they die

2010-02-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

This terrified me as a child.

House of God, House of Dog

2010-02-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

There are around 10,000 saints officially recognized by the Catholic Church. That may seem like a lot, but it's actually a very exclusive club. In order to be officially canonized by the Vatican, one must have lived a life of extraordinary virtue and service, and performed at least two miracles (sometimes posthumously). Supernatural acts have always been hard to come by and harder to authenticate, and even then sainthood isn't assured. For instance, in 13th century France, loyal and selfless Guinefort of Lyon was said to have healed infants after his death. His village swore by his holiness. The Church condemned this practice as demon-worship and superstition.

Problem was, Guinefort was a dog.

As the story goes, Guinefort was a greyhound owned by a local knight with a newborn son. When the knight left to go hunting, the dog was left to watch over the baby. While it may have been a more sensible idea to have a neighbor do this, it speaks to level of trust between master and dog. One day, after returning from the forest, the knight was horrified to find his son missing and Guinefort soaked in blood. Thinking that the dog had eaten his child, the knight hacked Guinefort to pieces. This proved to be a tragic error, as once the knight had finished he heard the cries of his son from beneath an overturned crib. The child was unharmed and nearby the knight discovered the body of a viper. Guinefort had killed the snake to protect the baby and was rewarded for his heroism with death.

Mourning the loss of his dog, the knight threw the body down a well and planted trees in Guinefort's honor. Soon news of this brave animal reached the village, and the commoners arrived to pay tribute. Some brought their children to be blessed, and Guinefort was ultimately venerated as a community saint; his watery grave rebuilt into a shrine. 13th century scholar Stephen of Bourbon wrote of Guinefort and his worshippers in disparaging terms, alluding to sacrifice and unholy pacts. After this bit of bad press, the Church prohibited Guinefort idolatry, and yet the cult endured as late as the 1930's before dying out.

Would you like to know more?
-Read Stephen of Bourbon's original account of Saint Guinefort

Parable

2010-02-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

At last this legendary story of courage and the indomitable human spirit has been fully restored for American audiences.

The People's Monster

2010-01-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

Here's the scene:

The late seventies was a difficult time for acclaimed South Korean filmmaker Shin Sang-ok. His marriage to actress Choi Eun-hee had ended in an unhappy divorce and his career was in a slump. The once prolific director was frustrated by censorship of his films at the hands of the South Korean government. Unwilling to yield to their demands, his studio was dissolved in 1978. It appeared that his tenure as South Korea's premier filmmaker had drawn to a close.

Later that year, Shin received word that his ex-wife had vanished while pursuing an acting job in Hong Kong. Concerned for her safety and thinking the worst, Shin departed to Hong Kong to investigate but could find no trace of her. Remarkably, the situation only worsened from there. Shin was attacked by two men while walking to a restaurant, and was knocked unconscious with chloroform. When he awoke, he found that he had been kidnapped and was en route to North Korea. He spent the following four years in a prison, enduring attempts at brainwashing while surviving on a diet of rice and salt, all while trying to determine why exactly he had been captured. He made several attempts to escape, but all failed.

In 1983, Shin was released and was astonished to be reunited with his wife, whom he learned had been kidnapped back in 1978. The two were escorted to a party and came face to face with Kim Jong-il, son of then-president Kim Il-Sung. Kim explained that he had made it his personal mission to revamp the stagnant North Korean film industry. A true movie buff (aparently listing the James Bond and Friday the 13th franchises as his favorite films) Kim wanted to produce movies that would demonstrate the true granduer of the Worker's Party of Korea. Shin had been kidnapped to bring some new talent and fresh ideas to the table. For the next three years, Shin made movies for the North Koreans, under the careful scrutiny of the future dictator.

The result? Meet Pulgasari, the Monster of the Month.

At the insistance of Kim Jong-il (who was fond of Japan's Godzilla series in spite of the usual anamosity between the two countries) Shin had the thankless task of creating a giant monster film that showcased both communist values and the North Korean ideal of the "spirit of self-reliance." The result was bizarre film that featured a scaly, metal-eating minotaur called Pulgasari. The enormous creature was employed against a cruel emporer by the farmers he oppressed.

Shin was somehow able to convince Kim to enlist in the aid of Japanese special-effects artists and actors who had previously been involved in Godzilla movies. Within the rubbery Pulgasari suit was Kenpachiro Satsuma, who had previously portrayed Godzilla in several of those films. Pulgasari was released to theaters in Korea and Japan in 1985. The following year, Shin Sang-ok and Choi Eun-hee escaped to Vienna and then to the United States, dashing any hopes that Kim Jong-il might have had for making a sequel.

Sadly, this unique movie received only spotty distribution on VHS and has never had a proper release on DVD. As for the film's creators, Shin Sang-Ok directed the 3 Ninjas series in the 1990's, sadly dying in 2004 before he could begin work on a biography of Genghis Khan. Kim Jong-il continues to dominate the people of North Korea through his brutal State Security Department and an insidious cult of personality. Word is that they've gotten the bomb too.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch the entire movie here
-Read this article from the Guardian

-Listen to this story from NPR's Day to Day

Meanwhile, Ted visits the reactor core and finds a surprise

2010-01-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

Sour grapes or evil eyes?

2010-01-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

The enlightened 21st century is merely a group consensus. If modernity doesn't suit you, there is always an opt out clause. Superstition continues to thrive all over the world, and its adherants recently made the headlines in Romania.

On December 6th, 2009, Romania held run-off elections so the nation could choose between closely-matched presidential candidates Mircea Geoana (of the Social Democratic Party) and Traian Basescu (of the Democratic Liberal Party). Basescu narrowly defeated his rival, and Geoana was quick to cry foul, his party alleging that the election had been rigged. While no concrete evidence of fraud was ever discovered, Geoana continued to level accusations at Basescu. Even for an election that was fraught with mutual mud-slinging and charges of corruption, Geoana's comments became especially bizarre.

According to Geoana, he lost the election due to the sinister mechanizations of one Alidor Manolea, a parapsychologist who employed "negative energy waves" to disrupt a crucial debate with Basescu. In short: he was hexed.

Manolea works as a "bioenergy therapist" and aparently posesses numerous psychic abilities (as stated by the Romanian Association of Transpersonal Psychology). Manolea is an aquaintence of Basescu, and Geoana insists that Manolea disrupted his concentration through supernatural methods. Photographs and video footage confirm Manolea's unexplainable pressence at the debate, standing directly behind Basescu.

Spokesmen for Basescu were slow acknowledge the story or divulge any influence Manolea might have had on the campaign, but finally denied any underhanded witchcraft at work. Geoana has been criticized for his claims, with some members of the Social Democratic Party calling for his resignation as party leader. Despite the pressure, he remains steadfast in his assertions. Perhaps he would be wise to acquire a psychic ally of his own. This may be the beginning of metaphysical politics.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Bucharest Herald
-Read this post from Romania News Watch

Another Triumph of Cinema!

2010-01-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

Space Junk

2010-01-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

China has recently supplanted Japan as Asia's largest economy and it stands just beneath the United States in the ranks of the biggest economies in the world. Its emergence as an economic superpower is basically without precedent; the product of an industrial revolution and relentless national drive. However, it has come at a considerable cost. The damage to China's environment is every bit as extreme as its recent financial success.

Power plants and factories belch out sulfurous fumes, resulting in a poisonous haze that continually cloaks China's cities. 300,000 die annually due to pollution-induced lung cancer. The smog can only be cleared away by the rain (which is usually of the acidic variety) but it invariably returns. Rivers run thick with detergents, pesticides, and chemical fertilizers. Clean water has become an increasingly precious commodity, and 500 million Chinese citizens are left wanting. This number is comparable to 62.5 New York Cities.

In 2003, China became the third nation in Earth's history to send men and women into space. Since then, Chinese taikonauts have gone on several more missions and multiple satellites have been launched. This achievement was also executed at a severe expense. Those villages unlucky enough to lie beneath the rockets' flight-path have have been blanketed by carcinogenic fallout and boulder-sized pieces of debris. 2 million people are thought to have been contaminated over the course of 50 launches, and plummeting scrap metal has damaged homes and administrative buildings.

It is now common for space launches to be accompanied by mass-evacuations and subsequent clean-up operations. Most recently, farmers from the province of Guangxi were paid to search for debris in the mountains and forests, despite that this material is effectively toxic waste. Meanwhile, the Chinese government struggles to counteract their ever-worsening problems with pollution, but the damage is so extensive that it seems impossible to reverse.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article from the Guardian
-Read this article from the New York Times

Welcome to Club Infinity

2010-01-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

You'll never want to leave.

Moscow's Devolution Dogs

2010-01-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

While you'd be hard pressed to find a major city without stray dogs, Moscow is somewhat famous for them. It seems that they've been around for as long as the city has existed, although they were first formally acknowledged in the late 1800's by famous Muscovite journalist Vladimir Gilyarovsky. During the days of the Soviet Union, the dogs were actively captured and killed by patrolmen. Some avoided death, but instead became participants in the Soviet space program. 57 strays were launched into outer space from 1951 to 1966.

After perestroika ushered in economic and political reforms in 1987, the dog-catching was ultimately done away with. This, combined with a new abundance of food that indirectly resulted from perestroika, resulted in a population explosion. Currently there is thought to be around 35,000 of them; 500 of which live within Moscow's metro subway stations (and around 20 of these dogs have learned to make use of the trains).

Biologist Andrei Poyarkov has been studying the stray dogs of Moscow since 1974, originally surveying the 100 dogs that dwelled within an area of 6.2 square miles near his home. Since that time, his investigation as broadened to cover the entire city. Over the years, Poyarkov has observed that these dogs are steadily losing the traits that were bred into them over the centuries by humans and are returning to a state similar to pre-domestication. While they retain special adaptations for surviving in their unique urban environment, they no longer interact with humans in the ways that we are accustomed to.

Poyarkov has documented four distinct classes of stray dogs, determined by their habitat. Those that live around buildings with security guards and groundsmen (such as hospitals and warehouses) are naturally the most comfortable with people. They often form a bond with the guards and respond to commands. Such behavior cannot be seen in the dogs that live within the heart of the city, which display indifference, but retain a keen insight of the human mind which they exploit regularly to get food. They target specific people for begging, knowing that old ladies are most likely to give them hand-outs.

The strays that form packs are even further removed from conventional dogs. They have minimal relations with people and rely upon scavenging for food, finding meals in Moscow's garbage bins. Finally, there are the dogs that live in the wooded areas and industrial parks that feed upon vermin and unlucky cats. These are truly feral and while they typically are not aggressive towards people, they avoid contact. They are nocturnal, taking advantage of the empty night-time streets.

While killing strays became illegal eight years ago, the city government has taken efforts to keep the population under control. Spaying and neutering pets isn't customary in Moscow, and the ranks of dogs are continually replenished thanks to hundreds of unwanted, abandoned pets. Modern dog-catchers bring the dogs to be sterilized and housed in animal shelters. There is a problem with insufficient adoption, and those dogs that are taken in as pets often don't take well to living in confined spaces.

However, by and large, the stray dogs aren't viewed as a pressing public dilemma. Moscow's attitude towards the dogs ranges from the ambivalent to the amicable. Meanwhile, foreigners regard the dogs with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

Would you like to know more?

-Read this article from the Financial Times

-Read this article from the Wall Street Journal

The Blood is Life (with Peppers and Onions)

2010-01-18T13:59:00.000-08:00

In Ernest Hemingway's book The Green Hills of Africa, he describes a meal shared with the Masai tribesmen of Tanzania. As an aside, Hemingway mentions hearing stories of the Masai subsisting on blood, taken from their still-living cattle and mixed with milk. While ritualistic consumption of animal (and human) blood has been common all over the world, this was an early account of blood drinking for purely dietary needs. If you can get past the taboo, its nutritional value is considerable.

In modern Chad, meat shortages in the city of N'Djamena have resulted in a return to traditional blood-based dishes. A new variation, referred to as "vampire," consists of fried blood combined with peppers, onions, and other ingredients. The inexpensive blood can be purchased from slaughterhouses by the bucket, making vampire a real hit amongst families trying to save money. It has also become popular in bars.

Despite an exhaustive search, our Hyper Kitchen interns were unable to find any recipes for vampire, but given Hollywood's current infatuation with blood-suckers, it may not be long before some variation arrives in the United States eateries. Some may squirm, but we say that you can't go wrong with frying.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this BBC article

"The Long Arm of the Law" or "Fist of Fury"

2010-01-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

During the superhero boom of the early 1940's, comic-book publishers had assembly lines of artists and writers to churn out endless variations on the superhero formula. As a result, the comics landscape became crowded with interchangeable do-gooders, but occasionally a weirdo was produced as the demand for new gimmicks grew. Few were more bizarre than this one.

The origin of the mysterious Hand is never revealed, but it is suggested that it belongs to a crime-fighter who somehow reached into the scene from afar. In its debut in Speed Comics #12 (1941), the Hand defeats two crooks who are trying to rob an oceanic casino. Not only can it produce notes written in blood from out of the void, but it also possesses "superhuman strength" that comes in useful in dealing with the criminals.

The Hand is currently in public domain, so we feel that it's only a matter of time before we see an avalanche of Hand-themed merchandise, a Saturday morning cartoon, and eventually a multi-million dollar cash-in on Hollywood's current fixation on superhero properties. We think that Johnny Depp's hand would do a splendid job at portraying the famous appendage, but we're open to other casting suggestions.

Would you like to know more?
-Download the Hand's first appearance here for free (requires CDisplayEx viewing program)

The Shape of Things to Come

2010-01-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

It's day three of this New Era, and already the public is consumed with anticipation as to what the future has in store for them. Rather than wait to find out, we cracked open our copy of The Book of Predictions, authored in 1981 by the creators of the People's Almanac. Within its pages, there are the predictions of futurists, Las Vegas psychics, and mathematicians. In its final chapter, the authors offer their own guesses about the form of the future. It's unclear how likely they considered these developments, but here's what they wrote for 2010:

A robot can now cross a busy highway without being hit
Football coaches still direct their teams from the bench, but their teams consist entirely of robots.
Because of rising inflation, the U.S. issues a new currency to soften the impact of high prices. Many realistic people turn to barter.
There is an open market for used and reconditioned body parts.
An artificial brain, as complex as the human brain, proves to have conscious thoughts and emotions.
Authoritarian governments in various nations are using mind and behavior control chemicals on their subjects to suppress dissent.
The Soviet Union attempts to to change its history by using tachyons.
The black pope of Rome transfers the Vatican to Jerusalem.
International terrorists, employing nuclear weapons, destroy a major world capitol. This leads to police repressions, which in turn leads to a worldwide disarmament conference. As a result all nuclear-weapon systems are scrapped.
One million people are living permanently in space colonies.

Hunh.

Obviously 2010 is going to be a very incredible year. It's a shame that a world capitol is going to be destroyed, and I'm not sure how I feel about the Soviet Union coming back, but at least we'll have robots that can play football.

Source: Wallace, Amy; Wallace, Irving; and Wallechinsky, David. (1981). "The Chronology of the Future." The People's Almanac Presents the Book of Predictions. 468: pp. 11-20. ISBN: 0-553-20198-0. Buy it here for a single penny and learn the secrets of tomorrow.

Come Prepared

2009-12-30T20:11:00.001-08:00

The time has come for 2009's curtain call, and with its completion comes an end to a decade that was inordinately full of strife and rank idiocy. We at the Hyper Kitchen look forward to the arrival of 2010 (the year we make contact), and the promise of better times ahead. Still, to mark the passing of this decade that still defies all attempts at naming, we sought a monster that embodies the last ten years. Without further dalliance, we return to the world of dreck cinema to bring to you: the Incredible Melting Man.

The eponymous star of a movie unleashed by American-International Pictures in 1977, the Incredible Melting Man was once handsome mustachioed astronaut Steve West; leader of a NASA mission to the rings of Saturn. After an ill-defined space catastrophe kills the rest of the crew, West returns to Earth in a injured, comatose state. He awakens later and finds that his body is rapidly deteriorating into slime. Crazed by his condition, West escapes from the hospital and goes on a rampage, as he now needs human blood to keep himself from completely decomposing. In a blink of an eye, he transforms into a drippy, skull-faced monster that "gets stronger as he melts." A bunch've cops, along with West's old friend Dr. Ted Nelson, try to thwart the slime-covered fiend. In a climax that somehow blends tragedy, absurdity, and pure unpleasantness, the Incredible Melting Man liquifies into a puddle of red glop that is subsequently mopped-up by a janitor the following morning. In the closing credits, we hear that NASA (aparently unaware of the whole fiasco) plans to send another team of astronauts to the rings of Saturn

Will they never learn?

The flick was essentially a more gruesome (and arguably more inept) version of 1959's First Man Into Space. It did feature special make-up effects by the now world famous Rick Baker, along with a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by Jonathan Demme, but beyond that, the Melting Man is not really incredible at all. Just another guy covered in slime.

Would you like to know more?
-Watch this trailer. It will show you everything you need to know.

Contaminated

2009-12-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

In 1976, Harold McCluskey was a chemical technician for the Hanford Plutonium Finishing Plant of Washington state. He was sixty-four years old at the time. The plant had been refining weapons grade plutonium since the days of the Manhatten Project, supplying some of the radioactive material for the atomic bombs dropped on Japan.

On August 30th, McCluskey had just returned to work after a four month strike had halted production. During a fairly routine day, McCluskey noticed smoke at his work station and tried to run. Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and he was caught in an explosion. Shrapnel-like flecks of cracked resin and broken glass were hurled into McCluskey's face and neck, along with a hot blast of nitric acid. Worse yet, McCluskey had been exposed to americium 241, a radioactive waste-substance that was produced by the plutonium refinement. The americium sank into his skin. McCluskey was found by his fellow workers and immediately taken to an on-site emergency center. Once there, it was discovered that his contamination was far greater than anticipated.

McCluskey had absorbed 500 times the "occupational standard" of americium 241, and consequently posed a severe exposure risk to all other people. They had no choice but to hold him in strict quarantine, while he underwent an intense decontamination procedure. The doctors working on him had to wear protective uniforms. He was called "the Atomic Man."

After a gruelling five months, McCluskey's radiation levels had been depleted by 80% and he was finally released. Having heard of his scarred face and fearful of lingering radioactivity, McCluskey's community shunned him. It took the insistence of the local minister to convince even his friends that it was safe to be around him. He also had to adapt to vision problems stemming from eye injuries he sustained in the explosion. A lawsuit for one million in damages failed, although he did receive a $275,000 settlement and paid medical expenses. Throughout all of this, McCluskey was stoic. Remarkably, he remained a proponent of the nuclear industry until he died at age 75 of a heart attack.

Meanwhile, 53 million gallons of high-level radioactive waste remain on the site of the deactivated Finishing Plant. McCluskey may not be the last "Atomic Man" from Hanford, although it's doubtful that any successors will live as long.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this account of McCluskey by the doctor who treated him.
-Read this timeline of Hanford area plutonium manufacturing

The Sheep of Skull Valley

2009-12-12T08:02:00.000-08:00

Skull Valley, Utah, is a tiny Indian Reservation about fifty miles southwest of Salt Lake City. Its sparse population is largely comprised of the Goshute Tribe and was once the home of the Skull Valley Livestock Company. The area is a remote, desert town. The only major landmark is the nearby US Army science facility referred to as the Dugway Proving Ground. First constructed in 1941, the facility was the site of top-secret weapons research programs.

The place was a hell-hole.

The primary avenues of research were the development of chemical, biological, and radiological weapons. Artillery loaded with nerve agents and blister agents were test fired, and pools of nerve agents were incinerated in massive open pits. Cultures of anthrax were grown and tested on animals. So-called "dirty bombs" were constructed and deliberately detonated. Nuclear reactors were assembled and allowed to melt-down, all to study the effects. The experiments numbered in the thousands. It was thought that the barren desert environment afforded them the space to conduct these dangerous, horrific tests without any risk of accidental contamination.

On March 13th, 1968, a routine test was conducted without incident. VX nerve gas was sprayed out from a jet in a designated area twenty-five miles away from Skull Valley. The jet returned to the Proving Ground and the researchers continued with their work. Unknown to anyone, the switch-off valve in the spray nozzle had been broken. The jet had continued to spray VX into the air even after it had departed from the designated test site. Later, phones around the base were ringing off the hook.

It took several days to determine how many sheep had died, but the total is thought to be 6,400. The US Army admitted they had been experimenting with nerve gas, but initially denied any responsibility for the deaths. With the nature of the Dugway Proving Ground exposed for all to see, the public backlash was considerable. Then President Nixon issued a ban on open-air chemical weapon testing the following year, and the US Army Chemical Corp was close to dissolution. However, the Proving Ground remained in operation. The full findings from the Army's investigation of the event were not declassified until 1998.

The U.S. General Accounting Office has since acknowledged that additional radioactive and bacterial contamination from the Proving Ground is likely, although it is impossible to determine how many people in Skull Valley and elsewhere were harmed. Meanwhile, the Proving Ground has been recently used by US Army Special Forces to train troops for the War in Afghanistan.

Would you like to know more?
-Read "Nobody Here But Us Dead Sheep" from Life Magazine, 1969
-Read "Skull Valley's Nerve Gas Neighbors
-Read "Toxic Utah"
-Listen to this story from All Things Considered, 1998

The More Things Change

2009-12-03T20:46:00.001-08:00

The more things stay the same.

Shadow over Antwerp

2009-12-01T18:24:00.000-08:00

The cryptozoological specimen to the right is known as a Jenny Haniver. While it may look like it washed up out of some nightmare, it's actually just a skate-fish (modified through a little creative taxidermy). Hanivers have been traced back to 16th century Antwerp, where sailors would carve up skates into little monstrosities and sell them to visitors from abroad. Some were made to look like tiny dragons and others resembled terrifying aquatic angels. Some were even billed as the preserved bodies of demons. The most common, however, looked like grotesque little people. They were all passed off as genuine creatures; strange fish from the deepest depths of the ocean.

Today, Hanivers are valued for their connection to sailing folklore and for their novelty value. Along with the Jackalope and the Fiji Mermaid, they belong to a proud tradition of creature-making.

Would you like to know more?
-Read this article about Jenny Haniver and other aquatic creatures
-Purchase your very own Jenny Haniver for a mere $75.

At first sight

2009-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

Beauty Killed the Beast

2009-11-30T16:47:00.000-08:00

November is about to flatline and accordingly, it's time to serve up another monster for your reading pleasure. We at the Hyper Kitchen are proud to introduce the tragic Tarasque, a creature from the medieval folklore of France.

According to legend, the Tarasque had an especially impressive lineage, as it was the spawn of the biblical Leviathan (which, depending on who you ask, was either a colossal sea-serpent or a monstrous fish). Despite its aquatic parentage, the Tarasque was strictly landlocked. It crawled on six, bear-like legs and had the head of a lion. Its shaggy, scaly body was protected by an enormous tortoise shell and its tail had the deadly sting of a scorpion. The Tarasque wandered the countryside of Nerluc, Gaul, laying waste to villages and devouring those poor bastards who tried to stop it. One day, while the Tarasque was busy gnawing on the bones of its latest victim, the beast was discovered by the wandering Saint Martha. Rather than fleeing in terror, Martha bathed the Tarasque in holy water and showed it the cross. The power of Christ compelled the savage Tarasque to abandon its evil ways.

Entirely tame, the Tarasque followed Martha back to Nerluc. The villagers, horrified at the monster's arrival, hurled their spears. Turning the other cheek as Jesus would have done, the Tarasque never fought back, and perished from their injuries. Saint Martha admonished the villagers for slaying the monster, and she promptly converted the lot of them to Christianity. The now pious villagers sought to repent for their actions and re-named their village in honor of the murdered monster. Thus the city of Tarascon was founded. To this day, the inhabitants of Tarascon celebrate the Tarasque on the last Sunday of every June, and it can also be seen on their official flag.

Still, let this be a warning: beware of strange women bearing holy water. You'll wind up being speared to death.

Would you like to know more?

-Read more about Tarascon here

-Sprechen sie Deutsch? Read this article on the Tarasque

Breathe No Evil

2009-11-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

Fashion meets practicality in our new winter line of gas-filtration helmets. Protects against most major blistering agents and neurotoxins. Buy yours today!

Cold Blood

2009-11-28T15:46:00.000-08:00

While October has long since been consigned to the void, the Chefs of the Hyper Kitchen neglected to post that month's installment of our world-famous Monster of the Month series. Many of our staff were mobbed by outraged fans and coarse language was used. Fearing for our lives, we got to work.

And so, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, meet Gustave the Crocodile. Gustave is thought to have attacked and eaten more than one hundred people, in addition to a fully-grown hippo and several wildebeests. Hailing from Burundi, where crocodiles are a common sight, Gustave is estimated to weigh in at one ton and said to stretch for twenty feet, making it the largest crocodile ever found in Africa. No one has ever gotten close enough to make exact measurements, as Gustave has defied capture for nearly ten years after his first official sighting. For a crocodile, Gustave has demonstrated unusual cunning. It's avoided traps and has survived hails of machine-gun fire, although sustaining several scars in the process.

Despite having come to prominence in 1998, Gustave is thought to be around sixty years old judging by its size. Its notoriety has ensured his place in the folklore of the Lake Tanganyika region. The already considerable body-count has been exaggerated to legendary levels, and it is common to hear stories of Gustave having eaten more than five hundred people. Fisherman insist that the crocodile deliberately seeks out humans to eat. Some even assert that it no longer kills merely for food, but actually stalks and slays men and women for pleasure.

Gustave was given its name from Patrice Faye, a Frenchman and self-educated wildlife expert who had been living in Burundi and heard the stories of the killer crocodile. While he was initially skeptical of these claims, Faye came to agree the Gustave was something more than an ordinary crocodile and this has earned him derision in some circles. Nevertheless, Faye is perhaps the leading authority of Gustave and has made several attempts to capture or kill the beast. Faye's quest has earned him unkind comparisons to Captain Ahab, though his struggle against the creature does have a certain epic quality to it.

Last spotted in January, 2009, there hasn't been an attack recorded for some time. Perhaps Gustave died and its massive body is crumpled on some shore somewhere. Maybe it departed for other waters, having grown weary of its battle with Faye. Or maybe it's just lying in mud, waiting for some unlucky fisherman or swimmer.

Would you like to know more?

-Visit Nation Geographic's page on Gustave

-Read this BBC article

-Watch this short video featuring Patrice Faye

Mutually Assured Destruction

2009-11-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

As seen on TV!

All Tomorrow's Architects

2009-11-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

After the watching his construction company go bankrupt, losing his home, and finally losing his daughter to spinal meningitis, Buckminster Fuller spent much of 1920's drunk. He considered killing himself, but somehow found the resolve to continue living. He decided to transform his own life into an experiment; an attempt to determine how much positive change a man could bring to the world. While this experiment was hardly traditional, the results indicate even one man can have considerable, lasting impact.

Fuller, a certified machinist, had a lifelong interest in design and engineering. As a child, he had assembled small boats and even attempted to construct "flying machines" (although none of the latter met with success). Despite his scientific aptitude, he was expelled from Harvard twice.

After getting a job as an interior decorator at a restaurant, Fuller began work on a scale model of a futuristic home. The house (which resembled a hybrid of air-stream trailer, teapot, and flying saucer) was designed for ease in assemblage and energy-efficiency. Searching for a unique name for the design, Fuller consulted an advertising expert who helped him develop the catchy term Dymaxion (for Dynamic Maximum Tension). Fuller displayed his model at the restaurant, which caught the eye of architect Isamu Noguchi. The two men became friends and together the developed a design for the three-wheeled Dymaxion Car. Meanwhile, Fuller was commissioned by the Army to build Dymaxion homes.

By 1945, Fuller was an established, if unorthodox, figure in the world of engineering and earned a living as a lecturer. He became interested in the architectural potential of the geodesic dome, building his first prototype at Bennington College of Vermont. Subsequent models proved the dome's structural strength, and won more attention from the Army. Within a few years, geodesic domes became a common feature in architecture all over the world.

Fuller, meanwhile, went on to become an early proponent of sustainability and alternative energy, while famously declaring war to be "obsolete." He was also unflinchingly eccentric in a time when it could damage one's career. He created his own distinct vocabulary, wore three watches (each set to a different time-zone) and often wore pages of newspaper between shirts to keep warm during long airplane flights. All of this endeared him to many counter-culture figures, particularly the inhabitants of the Drop City commune.

In addition to his design work, Fuller devoted much of his time to an experiment that expanded upon a journal he had started back in 1915. It was called the the Dymaxion Chornofile, and it consisted of an meticulous, comprehensive record of his daily activities, which he updated every fifteen minutes under optimum conditions. The Chronofile contained copies of letters, receipts, newspaper clippings, invoices, and design notes and sketches. He added to the Chronofile until his death in 1983, suffering a fatal heart attack while visiting his cancer-stricken, comatose wife. By that point, the Chronofile had grown to a total length of 270 feet and it remains the most complete record of a human life ever created; a record of curiosity and innovative thought.

Would you like to know more?
-Read more about the Dymaxion Chronofile here.
-Read about Fuller at the Synchronofile.

Let me tell you about my super-fun weekend

2009-11-05T07:07:00.000-08:00

Whew! Boy oh boy, was that ever a great party. Halloween has always been the favorite holiday amongst the staff of the Hyper Kitchen and the streets ran red with fake blood and candy-corn that night! Truthfully I just woke up today, buried under a pile of leaves and unable to remove my diving-helmet. My last memory was of seeing Wrong Turn (the horror movie equivalent of a meal at Denny's), followed by an actual meal at Denny's. Let me tell you, their Ultimate Breakfast isn't all it's cracked up to be.

With the others unaccounted for, it's fallen upon me to check up on the site. Please bear with me as I reacquaint myself here...

Ah.

It's Thursday. I must've been out cold for much longer than I thought.

And October had no Monster of the Month entry.

Hurmnh. Well, I'd better get to work.